Hey all, I know this blog has been SO boring lately… I haven’t checked my stats but I have a feeling there aren’t as many people coming here anymore.
Anyway, life is still chugging along. I’ve actually been under-eating recently, so I won’t go into details about it. I know it’s not healthy but everyone occasionally goes through it, although I’m pretty much doing it on purpose at the moment. I’ve been in a cycle where I’ll eat lightly for several days and then have a few days where I eat too much (but not a huge amount, probably between 2000-2400 calories). I thought I was PMS’ing last week but it turns out I wasn’t, but I am now. My body is still pretty messed up from all the antibiotics I’ve been on. I finally have my ENT specialist appointment next Monday. I’m going to see if they can prescribe me an antihistamine that doesn’t cause me to be drowsy or have other side effects. (I know, highly unlikely).
I had a breakthrough in therapy yesterday. Truth be told, I have been somewhat of an emotional wreck for a few weeks on and off and finally realized why yesterday. I have been unbalanced. Basically it all boils down to the fact that I have been acting co-dependent on the AA program, sitting there passively waiting for something to happen. I’ve been neglecting my spiritual path and such and relying on what other people told me and looking to others (particularly my sponsor, who actually fired me Monday night) for approval. I won’t get into details about why we parted ways other than to say that she was giving orders instead of suggestions and I had had enough. Sponsors aren’t supposed to tell you what to do or give orders. Anyway, I’m meeting up with another girl today and may take her on as a new sponsor.
Anyway it is extremely easy to get totally sucked into AA stuff and forget your own life. And once again (like last time, in 2008) that’s what I was doing. So it is going to stop. I will still attend meetings and work the steps and socialize but stop looking to others for approval and guidance. I mean, I know how to live life, I have been given an enormous amount of enlightenment, info and guidance this year through all the hypnotherapy and meditation work I’ve done. I just couldn’t put the bottle down (for long) there for a while.
So, I will now be attending 3-5 meetings a week. I have a possible spiritual/meditation class starting next week; more about that later (if it pans out). I am also looking into taking a class at a college. I’ve started to realize that I really want to get into the counseling/hypnotherapy field. (I know, scary right to have someone like ME working in that field? 
Actually I think since I’ve been to hell and back emotionally, I could help others. Of course it will take probably years of study, but I may as well start somewhere).
The Invisaligns are going great – I may be able to switch to my 3rd set of trays this evening or maybe tomorrow morning. I’m totally used to them now, no longer lisp with them and they are rarely painful – even when I switch to a new tray (which means much more tightening for a few days). My gums are a little sore here and there but nothing I can’t handle.
Not much else to update for now! I hope you all are having a great week so far.
Let’s see… time to update!
Weight loss has stalled a bit but I’m PMS’ing.
I’m still sober. (Yay!!!!!!!!)
I finally bought a patio lounge chair and have been luxuriating in the sun for 10-20 minutes most mornings, in order to finally refill my vitamin D stores as well as get a light tan. I haven’t had a tan on my legs in years, so it’ll be nice to have one this summer since I plan to wear lighter stuff. Since I’ve slimmed down more and have toned up I feel more confident about my figure.
I’ve also been working out on my bike and doing resistance training on my arms as usual. One of these days I’ll add swimming into the mix and possibly walking. It’s already been extremely hot here – well into the 90’s and even into the 100’s with the heat index. It’s going to be a scorcher this summer. I partly dread it but also look forward to it. I always eat more lightly in really hot weather, and I firmly believe that the sunlight (contrary to popular belief) is good for us, so long as we don’t bake ourselves. Sweating also helps rid us of toxins. (Please don’t take my word for anything you read here, do the research yourself. After all, I’m no expert on much of anything).
I find myself sleeping a lot better these days although I still have bouts of anxiety from time to time.
I hope you all are having a great week! I’ll be back to update sometime soon.
Just a super quick update… I haven’t felt like coming here to update lately but I am fine. Still on antibiotics, which are really killing my digestive system among other things. Facial swelling FINALLY went down. Found out I have no teeth infections whatsoever and no indications or signs that they’d been infected anytime recently. So the infection is just coming from my sinuses. Sigh.
The good news is that I’m still sober. Got my 2 month chip on Thursday (even though Tuesday was officially my 2 months). Today is my 66th day.
I’m still losing weight, still getting compliments about how much better and slimmer I look. And I’m already noticing my teeth starting to straighten out, even though it’s only been less than a month wearing Invisalign! Even family members can tell that my teeth are already looking better. I’m beyond excited. I’m on my 2nd set of trays and although they were really tight the first couple of days I had them in, overall they caused pretty much NO pain, which is a miracle!!! Especially considering the agony I went through for the first 2 weeks of wearing Invisalign. My jaws are apparently used to them now.
Anyway, I’m headed out the door for the evening. I hope you all have a great Memorial Day!
TGIF!
Not much to update on today. I’m still feeling better. Getting used to the Invisalign – had them in 11 hours overnight and woke with only very minimal pain. I’m about to put them back in but I need to floss and brush first.
The sun is out for a change today so I am going to go out and enjoy it.
Today is my 57th 58th (sorry I typed that wrong – Thursday was day 57, Friday was day 58) day of sobriety! I can’t believe it’s been almost two months since I’ve had a drink.
So… the scale has dropped another two pounds. I’ve literally lost about 9 pounds in the past several weeks. Not bad! I’m sure some of it is water though.
I’ve transitioned myself slowly back to a diet along the lines of 80% raw fruitarian. The other 20% of what I eat is vegetarian (mostly vegan, actually). I’m not putting any official labels on myself but trying to eat intuitively for now. My appetite has returned a little, but I’ve been heavily detoxing for the past few days. Today is the first day I woke up feeling pretty good.
Last night was crazy… we had tornado warnings and bad storms come through here. I happened to be in the middle of a meeting, and right in the middle of it, the sirens started up. At first we ignored them, but not for long because then the alarm bells in the center started going off. We all had to get into an inner hallway with all the other people and stay there until the “all clear”. I hung around the center for a while afterward because there was quite a storm still going, but finally took off because supposedly another round of dangerous weather activity was heading our way and I wanted to get home before it did. But I only made it a half mile down the street before the storm just got really bad again and I couldn’t drive. Thankfully there was a mall there, and I pulled under covered parking and went into the mall.
I waited it out a bit inside the mall, on the phone with my sisters to see if they could look online or on the news and see when it would be OK to leave, but then the tornado sirens started up again. Then over the loudspeakers came the message “Everybody please get into the inner corridors of the mall for safety”. Anyway, I later found out that the storms coming through had produced tornadoes prior to them hitting here, had rotating clouds and could have spawned tornadoes at any time, which is why the sirens kept going off.
Anyway I finally got home around 10pm or so!
In other news, my 5-day partial fruit fast in fact cleared my sinuses and got rid of most of the swelling over my sinuses. However, as of last night there was mild swelling over the area that I have had both a root canal and an apicoectomy! Which may mean this entire time that this has been caused by a root infection, which is what I suspected in the first place but was assured not true by my dentist! If in fact it is a root infection, the crown work I got done will have been a waste of time and I will probably need the entire tooth replaced and will no longer be able to wear the Invisalign! Very upsetting stuff, but I’m trying not to get upset before I know for sure what is going on. I have an appointment with an Endodontist next week and am also on their cancellation list. All I know is that I cannot handle being on antibiotics any longer, I am through.
Anyway, I’m going to try and exercise a little today. I’ve been unable to do so during the fruit fast because I was too weak.
Still doing my “fruit fast” as I’m calling it… I’ve had absolutely NO appetite whatsoever in the past few days, so I’m using it to my advantage. I am going with my instincts here and already I’m noticing such great results. My finger puffiness has gone way down, as apparently a lot of it was caused by sodium retention. My chin/neck has gone way in, my complexion has cleared, my skin is getting super-soft again, I am slimming down… and best of all, my sinuses seem to be almost 95% healed. Yesterday I got compliments from two people saying I look great.
I even wore both of my Invisalign trays last night and didn’t wake up in major pain! Just a little pain. I’m going to work my way back up to the required 21 hours as soon as I can – I don’t want to be wearing these things for the rest of my life, darnit! Today I’m shooting for 15 hours altogether (counting overnight). Don’t know if I’ll make it to that though.
Anyway, I’m still sober, on day 55 now… still in the program and going to therapy and hypnotherapy. The oddest thing happened last week. On Monday last week I went in for hypnotherapy to try and determine why I keep getting sinus infections (to see if there was a psychosomatic reasons). Turns out there wasn’t a psychosomatic reason because nothing came up. But anyway, I was in a great amount of pain that day, so we decided to also see if I could see what was causing it. Anyway, I ended up going back to a past life while under hypnosis, where I was a man standing in a cabin alongside a river. The man was holding an ax and was highly anxious for some reason, but I couldn’t get any further information out of it. (I was on so many meds that day so possibly that affected my hypnosis state). I didn’t know where it was or when or anything. Anyway, later on that week I was standing in the shower and suddenly remembered that he was a logger. I’m not sure how I remembered it while being awake! And to be honest I didn’t really know what a logger was exactly – I had to look it up online.
Even weirder still… on Saturday evening I had come home briefly to eat a very little bit before heading back to the conference. This was right after my 30+ hour fast. Anyway, I was sitting on the couch and suddenly had even more of a memory recall of that life… it just came to me out of nowhere! I remembered that I lived in rural Alberta, Canada, I was a logger and part of a logging camp and it was in the 1600’s. (1643 came up specifically). So I went online to look up that info and sure enough, there were loggers and logging camps in that area during that time! And I personally had no idea about that since I had no reason to have looked it up before. Crazily enough – here’s the kicker – one of the photos of a river in Alberta looked 95% identical to an image that always pops into my mind when I go to my “safe/happy place”!! I was looking at the photo with my jaw dropped open because of how similar it was to the picture in my mind.
Weird but interesting. I talked to my therapist about it yesterday and she said that it can happen after a person has undergone enough past life regressions. I’ve pretty much ‘opened my soul memory doors’ often enough now that I guess they memories will come out a lot easier and even when I’m not under hypnosis.
Other random and weird/interesting things have been happening lately too, but I won’t get into them here. (Nothing major, just notable!)
Anyway, I’m off to get ready for my car service appointment.
Yesterday I flipped my mattress over and spent most of the day relaxing on my couch. What a difference it made! I woke up with pretty much no pain this morning.
As for the sinus infection, things were pretty hairy there for a while. I had been on antibiotics for 8 days or so and still my cheek was swollen. I spent a great deal of Friday and Saturday at a conference inside of a hotel, so there was a lot of air conditioning, which didn’t help matters. I was getting desperate! So, I fasted from about 4pm on Thursday to late Friday night (about 31 hours altogether). Then all day Saturday, I ate very little fruit, a few crackers and not much else. Basically I fasted/fruit fasted for nearly 3 days. I made sure to drink a ton of water and take lots of Vitamin C, zinc, etc. And what a difference it made! I was apparently full of toxins (and still probably am) because I was detoxing like crazy. I was sweating, feeling nauseated and lightheaded (super lightheaded at more than one point), felt weak, mildly feverish, etc. Anyway, my cheek swelling seems pretty much gone.
Here are some other things I’ve been doing to help get rid of the sinus infection: I keep my apartment at 75 or 76 instead of 72 or 73, which means the AC doesn’t kick in nearly as often; sleeping with my bedroom window open to allow the humid air in; using sterilized nose sprays (non medicated) a few times a day; putting warm cloths on my cheeks a few times a day; using very little (if any) perfume; and last but not least, drinking distilled water, as it seems to get things draining more than any other kind of water.
I also lost some serious weight (well, serious for me). Everything has gone down, including my stomach, waist, face, etc. On Saturday night my cheeks were both swollen from the antibiotics and infection and I looked terrible and felt even worse. I could barely focus on anything or anyone and felt like I had tons of involuntary muscle spasms as well as some other bad feelings. For the record, I was on Levaquin, which is a very powerful antibiotic. Never again, that stuff is AWFUL.
All of this basically screams at me that I need to go back to my fruitarian and vegetarian ways. Remember last year from March to October, I was eating tons of fruit and no meat and very little packaged food. In late November that changed and I started eating fish and packaged food again. And it didn’t take long to get sick with another sinus infection. Last year around this time I was vibrant and healthy from all the fruit. Obviously my body can no longer handle crap food. So I stocked up on lots of fruit and plan to do what I did before for the most part: eat lots of fruit throughout the day, then have a healthy dinner with cooked veggies (even potatoes if I want them) and whole wheat grains and what vegan protein I can find. But this time I’ll be taking vitamins, and I’ll allow myself fish 1-4 times a month (only wild caught salmon) to ensure my hair doesn’t start falling out again. Most packaged food will be off limits like it was before.
As for the invisalign situation, I’ve barely worn them in the weekend because I felt it was all I could do to fight off the sinus infection. Now that 90% of my neck and shoulder pain is gone, I will try and incorporate them back into my life more and more often. The problem is that even wearing them for an hour at a time causes pain in my neck to start back up, including when I put hot compresses on my jaws, take hot showers and baths, etc. So I’m going to talk to my dentist again today and see what else I can do about this. I am absolutely beyond fed up of popping Advil and Tylenol like candy – it’s got to stop and is not what I want to do anymore. (As of yesterday I am down to around 3 Advil per day, not bad for me considering I was taking upwards of 12 Advil and 2 Tylenol on my worst pain days!) My psychiatrist prescribed me an antihistamine (Vistaril) that I started taking as of Saturday night. It is also used to treat mild anxiety and sleeplessness but is supposedly non habit-forming. He said I can take up to six a day but I am sticking to 1 before bed. I don’t know if it was a factor in helping out with my sinus situation or not, but I figure it couldn’t hurt so long as I don’t stay on it too long.
So far today I’ve only had a pear as I got up late. I have lots of melon in my fridge and apples, pears, mixed berries, oranges and other misc. fruits. I’m planning to have sprouted whole wheat pasta and spinach for dinner!
