One girl's 60 pound weight-loss journey
From the category archives:
Hey all, I finally decided to go ahead and start a new blog.
It will no longer be focused on dieting, however, I will mention weight and diet-related things at times. The main focus though will be about my life and what I’m learning.
I will come back in the few days and post a link to the blog… stay tuned!
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Hey all! I appreciate the concerned emails – to those who sent them, thanks!
As mentioned in previous posts, I am not really planning not to update here much anymore. I posted here for three years – three years where I didn’t even know my own thoughts, didn’t know how to follow through on anything, held a lot back and didn’t trust myself. (I will still post the link to the new blog when/if I start one). I know my previous basket case of a life would make anyone wonder if I was OK when I disappear. 
Nowadays? I’m learning to trust myself. As I shed the self-imposed protective wall that has been around me all my life, the weight is coming off pretty much on my own. I weigh less now than I have since 2006. Still a little ways from my goal, but I don’t think about it nearly as much as I once did. I’m wearing shorts this year, have a tan and am much more confident about myself, both inside and out.
Honestly? I have found my purpose in life, am learning to expand and strengthen my mind, am making tons of new positive-minded and like-minded friends and am growing emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I exercise and eat as healthy as possible regularly and have also greatly improved my physical body. The metaphysics class has been enormously helpful with all of the growth and improvements. As has AA. I’ve become a positive, vibrant person and am attracting all sorts of good right now. It’s simply amazing! I have people in my life right now that I couldn’t even fathom having before… people I’m learning from as well as teaching.
I went and got an intuitive health report reading in Springfield, MO a couple of Sundays ago. I learned about my strengths and weaknesses and have already improved much of the latter. My main issue was self-doubt/self-mistrust. (As was probably evident in this blog!) I also had a huge problem in speaking what was on my mind. Last but not least, I was holding onto some form of self-pity and fear, which was causing my facial swelling. Yep, you read that right. My sinus problems and excessive sodium/water retention AND previous high salt/fat cravings were caused by negative thinking patterns! I’ve since learned that our negative mental thoughts and beliefs express themselves in physical ailments.
I’ve been forced to let go of one negative and toxic friendship. You see, people in our lives are reflections of ourselves. If you choose to surround yourself with negative and self-pitying friends, you are choosing to stay in that frame of mind yourself. I had to let a good friend of seven years go because of this. This person was trying his best to keep me entrenched in the negative way of thinking I’d been in for the past several years. Once I finally let him go, my cheek swelling did indeed FINALLY go down! In letting him go, I let go of that part of myself. It was an absolutely amazing release of negative energy. These days, I’m attracting like-minded and positive people.
In writing this blog for the past 3 1/2 years, I didn’t always speak my true thoughts. I wasn’t always 100% honest here. I was in hiding.
Anyway, if I don’t update here for a while, please do not be concerned. Life for me has become a journey of love, healing, learning and growing. I just had to become ready for good in my life. Everything I’ve gone through has been needed to get where I am. I have an amazing support network just in case I slip back into old patterns. And sure, I have occasional ‘down’ days and times. But it helps to keep myself in a ‘learning’ frame of mind. Everything is here to be a lesson!
I haven’t decided how much of my personal life I am willing to continue to share with people on the internet, which explains why I haven’t yet started a new blog. However, I will make a decision one way or another soon. I appreciate the people who have followed my journey since 2007. I only hope someone – even one person – has been helped in some way. Perhaps my journey could be looked at as a cautionary tale. As in, speak your mind! Don’t be afraid. Trust your thoughts. If nothing else, I hope people reading this who are currently going through their own personal hell can see that no matter how bad it gets, things can and will improve, especially once the person is ready for it. Remember too that we all have karma to get through. Whether you believe it or not.
Growth can be painful, too. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the comfort that my ‘wall’ has provided. It has been painful and a little frightening opening up to people. Some days I want to run and hide. Letting down my wall has made me extremely sensitive to negativity, too. Nowadays I just want to flee from it. I know over time I’ll be able to deal with it though.
And… that’s it for now!
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I had an exciting morning: when I got out of bed, I glanced in the mirror and noticed my stomach area looked even thinner than usual. So I decided to try on some Capri pants I had bought several weeks ago, that didn’t fit then. As a matter of fact, I had bought about 5 pairs (2 Calvin Klein and 3 cheaper branded ones) for summer last month because I figured I was down another size. At the time, it turned out I was not yet down another size despite the weight loss. So, anyway, this morning I tried on one of the Calvin Kleins… and they fit! Then I tried on all the other ones, and they all zipped up and buttoned with no problem. Yay!
Wow. So I’m down another size. That’s exciting. All my new Capri pants fit. And I now have a light tan on my legs. How amazing. Perhaps it is time to experiment with shorts? Not short ones, as I think I have some cellulite that I’m not eager to show off. But perhaps the ones that go down to the lower thigh area. If I do in fact wear shorts this summer, it will be the first time in YEARS. Major accomplishment.
The funniest thing about it is that yesterday I totally blew my diet and actually ate FAST FOOD (ick!!), plus today is the 1st/2nd day of my TOM! My stomach should be huge. But for some reason it’s slimmer. Must be from all the dieting and the more regular exercising I’ve been doing.
I love weight loss results! I will get on the scale when my TOM is completely over.
I still haven’t set up the ‘other’ blog I’m starting. I’ll get around to it soon. Tonight I am planning to hit the circus with my sister and niece. PT Barnum and Bailey are in town and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll have to remember to eat before I go though. I don’t want to be tempted by all the junk food that will surely be there!
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Hey all, I have decided to start a new blog! It’s not going to be diet-related although from time to time I may share stuff about my diet, weight, etc. Eventually I’ll start posting pics over there. Basically the blog will be about life and my creative ramblings, thoughts, perspectives and my journey through life. I’ve loved posting on this blog over the years – so I will NOT be deleting it. I will make this blog read-only and keep it as-is. I want this blog to be here as a reminder of some of the struggles I went through from 2007-2010.
But the fact is, I want to both move on, yet get back into the creative writing that I used to do (before becoming an alchy). I’ve been a creative thinker and writer since I was about six years old. I won my first writing contest at age six. It was some kind of ‘Young Author’s Award’ for the school district (Norwalk/La Mirada) I belonged to in first grade. I wrote a short story that got published in their award book. Anyway, from that moment on, I decided I wanted to write for a living. That dream persisted for pretty much the next 15+ years.
Funny thing is, years and years later, I DO write for a living. Just not in the capacity that I had wanted or even ever imagined! I imagined myself a famous novelist or something like that. But instead, I am a blogger that only writes little blurbs like “So and so was spotted heading to the gym yesterday” and “OMG she looks so slim and cute and healthy!!!!!” And of course I write here about dieting, etc. But in my young years, I wrote tons of poetry, stories and even a young adult novel. None of which was published other than the YA thing – I never tried to get anything else published. Although come to think of it, a poem I wrote about “Missing Homework” was published in the school newspaper when I was in 11th grade. At around age 12-14, I used to write really funny stories that would crack up family members and friends. I miss that – I really miss expressing myself creatively in a humorous way. I did it all the way up until I was about 27 or so. Back in late 2003 and early 2004, I kept a personal blog where I would talk about my zany life and how crazy things were since I had moved to New Hampshire. (By the way, parts of that blog can still be found in certain archives on the internet. The site name was mindless-intensity.com).
So I’m going to start again in the new blog.
In other news, I signed up take a metaphysics class today. I am super excited about it. I went to the school today and talked to the teacher and another woman who is joining the class. We all chatted for over two hours and it was awesome. The class starts next week. I’ve never done anything like this before – in fact, prior to Dec 2008 (when my spiritual/religious beliefs began to shift) I would have never even considered doing something like this.
Anyway, I’ll post a link to the new blog here soon, as soon as it is set up and all.
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Hey all, I know this blog has been SO boring lately… I haven’t checked my stats but I have a feeling there aren’t as many people coming here anymore.
Anyway, life is still chugging along. I’ve actually been under-eating recently, so I won’t go into details about it. I know it’s not healthy but everyone occasionally goes through it, although I’m pretty much doing it on purpose at the moment. I’ve been in a cycle where I’ll eat lightly for several days and then have a few days where I eat too much (but not a huge amount, probably between 2000-2400 calories). I thought I was PMS’ing last week but it turns out I wasn’t, but I am now. My body is still pretty messed up from all the antibiotics I’ve been on. I finally have my ENT specialist appointment next Monday. I’m going to see if they can prescribe me an antihistamine that doesn’t cause me to be drowsy or have other side effects. (I know, highly unlikely).
I had a breakthrough in therapy yesterday. Truth be told, I have been somewhat of an emotional wreck for a few weeks on and off and finally realized why yesterday. I have been unbalanced. Basically it all boils down to the fact that I have been acting co-dependent on the AA program, sitting there passively waiting for something to happen. I’ve been neglecting my spiritual path and such and relying on what other people told me and looking to others (particularly my sponsor, who actually fired me Monday night) for approval. I won’t get into details about why we parted ways other than to say that she was giving orders instead of suggestions and I had had enough. Sponsors aren’t supposed to tell you what to do or give orders. Anyway, I’m meeting up with another girl today and may take her on as a new sponsor.
Anyway it is extremely easy to get totally sucked into AA stuff and forget your own life. And once again (like last time, in 2008) that’s what I was doing. So it is going to stop. I will still attend meetings and work the steps and socialize but stop looking to others for approval and guidance. I mean, I know how to live life, I have been given an enormous amount of enlightenment, info and guidance this year through all the hypnotherapy and meditation work I’ve done. I just couldn’t put the bottle down (for long) there for a while.
So, I will now be attending 3-5 meetings a week. I have a possible spiritual/meditation class starting next week; more about that later (if it pans out). I am also looking into taking a class at a college. I’ve started to realize that I really want to get into the counseling/hypnotherapy field. (I know, scary right to have someone like ME working in that field? Actually I think since I’ve been to hell and back emotionally, I could help others. Of course it will take probably years of study, but I may as well start somewhere).
The Invisaligns are going great – I may be able to switch to my 3rd set of trays this evening or maybe tomorrow morning. I’m totally used to them now, no longer lisp with them and they are rarely painful – even when I switch to a new tray (which means much more tightening for a few days). My gums are a little sore here and there but nothing I can’t handle.
Not much else to update for now! I hope you all are having a great week so far.
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Let’s see… time to update!
Weight loss has stalled a bit but I’m PMS’ing.
I’m still sober. (Yay!!!!!!!!)
I finally bought a patio lounge chair and have been luxuriating in the sun for 10-20 minutes most mornings, in order to finally refill my vitamin D stores as well as get a light tan. I haven’t had a tan on my legs in years, so it’ll be nice to have one this summer since I plan to wear lighter stuff. Since I’ve slimmed down more and have toned up I feel more confident about my figure.
I’ve also been working out on my bike and doing resistance training on my arms as usual. One of these days I’ll add swimming into the mix and possibly walking. It’s already been extremely hot here – well into the 90’s and even into the 100’s with the heat index. It’s going to be a scorcher this summer. I partly dread it but also look forward to it. I always eat more lightly in really hot weather, and I firmly believe that the sunlight (contrary to popular belief) is good for us, so long as we don’t bake ourselves. Sweating also helps rid us of toxins. (Please don’t take my word for anything you read here, do the research yourself. After all, I’m no expert on much of anything).
I find myself sleeping a lot better these days although I still have bouts of anxiety from time to time.
I hope you all are having a great week! I’ll be back to update sometime soon.
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Just a super quick update… I haven’t felt like coming here to update lately but I am fine. Still on antibiotics, which are really killing my digestive system among other things. Facial swelling FINALLY went down. Found out I have no teeth infections whatsoever and no indications or signs that they’d been infected anytime recently. So the infection is just coming from my sinuses. Sigh.
The good news is that I’m still sober. Got my 2 month chip on Thursday (even though Tuesday was officially my 2 months). Today is my 66th day.
I’m still losing weight, still getting compliments about how much better and slimmer I look. And I’m already noticing my teeth starting to straighten out, even though it’s only been less than a month wearing Invisalign! Even family members can tell that my teeth are already looking better. I’m beyond excited. I’m on my 2nd set of trays and although they were really tight the first couple of days I had them in, overall they caused pretty much NO pain, which is a miracle!!! Especially considering the agony I went through for the first 2 weeks of wearing Invisalign. My jaws are apparently used to them now.
Anyway, I’m headed out the door for the evening. I hope you all have a great Memorial Day!
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