Important Update

Hey all! I appreciate the concerned emails – to those who sent them, thanks!

As mentioned in previous posts, I am not really planning not to update here much anymore. I posted here for three years – three years where I didn’t even know my own thoughts, didn’t know how to follow through on anything, held a lot back and didn’t trust myself. (I will still post the link to the new blog when/if I start one). I know my previous basket case of a life would make anyone wonder if I was OK when I disappear.

Nowadays? I’m learning to trust myself. As I shed the self-imposed protective wall that has been around me all my life, the weight is coming off pretty much on my own. I weigh less now than I have since 2006. Still a little ways from my goal, but I don’t think about it nearly as much as I once did. I’m wearing shorts this year, have a tan and am much more confident about myself, both inside and out.

Honestly? I have found my purpose in life, am learning to expand and strengthen my mind, am making tons of new positive-minded and like-minded friends and am growing emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I exercise and eat as healthy as possible regularly and have also greatly improved my physical body. The metaphysics class has been enormously helpful with all of the growth and improvements. As has AA. I’ve become a positive, vibrant person and am attracting all sorts of good right now. It’s simply amazing! I have people in my life right now that I couldn’t even fathom having before… people I’m learning from as well as teaching.

I went and got an intuitive health report reading in Springfield, MO a couple of Sundays ago. I learned about my strengths and weaknesses and have already improved much of the latter. My main issue was self-doubt/self-mistrust. (As was probably evident in this blog!) I also had a huge problem in speaking what was on my mind. Last but not least, I was holding onto some form of self-pity and fear, which was causing my facial swelling. Yep, you read that right. My sinus problems and excessive sodium/water retention AND previous high salt/fat cravings were caused by negative thinking patterns! I’ve since learned that our negative mental thoughts and beliefs express themselves in physical ailments.

I’ve been forced to let go of one negative and toxic friendship. You see, people in our lives are reflections of ourselves. If you choose to surround yourself with negative and self-pitying friends, you are choosing to stay in that frame of mind yourself. I had to let a good friend of seven years go because of this. This person was trying his best to keep me entrenched in the negative way of thinking I’d been in for the past several years. Once I finally let him go, my cheek swelling did indeed FINALLY go down! In letting him go, I let go of that part of myself. It was an absolutely amazing release of negative energy. These days, I’m attracting like-minded and positive people.

In writing this blog for the past 3 1/2 years, I didn’t always speak my true thoughts. I wasn’t always 100% honest here. I was in hiding.

Anyway, if I don’t update here for a while, please do not be concerned. Life for me has become a journey of love, healing, learning and growing. I just had to become ready for good in my life. Everything I’ve gone through has been needed to get where I am. I have an amazing support network just in case I slip back into old patterns. And sure, I have occasional ‘down’ days and times. But it helps to keep myself in a ‘learning’ frame of mind. Everything is here to be a lesson!

I haven’t decided how much of my personal life I am willing to continue to share with people on the internet, which explains why I haven’t yet started a new blog. However, I will make a decision one way or another soon. I appreciate the people who have followed my journey since 2007. I only hope someone – even one person – has been helped in some way. Perhaps my journey could be looked at as a cautionary tale. As in, speak your mind! Don’t be afraid. Trust your thoughts. If nothing else, I hope people reading this who are currently going through their own personal hell can see that no matter how bad it gets, things can and will improve, especially once the person is ready for it. Remember too that we all have karma to get through. Whether you believe it or not.

Growth can be painful, too. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the comfort that my ‘wall’ has provided. It has been painful and a little frightening opening up to people. Some days I want to run and hide. Letting down my wall has made me extremely sensitive to negativity, too. Nowadays I just want to flee from it. I know over time I’ll be able to deal with it though.

And… that’s it for now!