Fix The Inside And The Outside Will Follow

“Fix the inside and the outside will follow.”

These words came into my head one day many, many months ago, before I was ready to hear them or deal with them. But they are true. (And I was recently able to pass them onto someone else who needed to hear them).

Things have changed enormously for me in just the past few days. It may sound trite or silly, but I feel like a caterpillar who has shed its skin and emerged into the bright, beautiful shiny world filled with purpose and meaning. And not because of my weight. (Although yes, the weight loss has continued). Where I was negative, hesitant, confused and unsure before, I’ve become positive, joyful and have realized my purpose in life.

It’s really funny… I look back on my past 5 1/2 years of life of struggle and realize that not one moment was in vain. Not one thing happened that wasn’t supposed to happen for some reason or another. Lots of ‘bad’ things happened that led into good: my car accident in Massachusetts in Dec 2004, which then caused me to lose my job and sent me rocketing into severe depression and PTSD, which led me to move into a building full of alcoholics and addicts in 2005, which led me into alcoholism and a very unhealthy relationship in 2006, which led me into weight gain and isolation in 2007, which led me into a state of mind that longed to be free. Which led into my doing a road trip in 2007, which led into my moving to Oklahoma to be closer to family, which led me into AA and new friends, which finally led me into questioning the constraining and fear-based religious beliefs I’d had since childhood, which led to me finally being free of them (while at the same time keeping them close with a new understanding of them) and gaining a true understanding of life, which led me into deciding that I didn’t need AA, which led to all kinds of experimenting, lots of reading of spiritual books, which led to the realization that I needed to go back to AA after all, which led me back to a group of people that are wonderful, as well as meeting a few individuals that I likely would not have met otherwise. The preceding events also led me into seeking out therapy and undergo several past life regressions, which led me into trying out meditating, which opened my mind more.

My therapists have led me into new understandings of life and myself, which has enabled me to begin healing inside – healing events that happened all the way back when I was 8 years old. Therapy has also led me into deciding to try stepping outside of my comfort zone and joining a metaphysics class. And… that, my friends, was the final catapult into my current bright, wonderful, beautiful, freeing, hopeful and purposeful state of mind that I have FINALLY arrived at.

Wow. What a friggin’ journey!!!!! And it’s nowhere near being over. But now I understand. Most importantly, I’ve realized that the journey is actually the destination.

Joy, peace and love are literally flowing through me, as well as excitement over the challenges ahead. It doesn’t mean all my problems and/or struggles are over. But it means that I am no longer apprehensive or scared of them.

Why am I sharing this? Well, in case anyone else out there is going through some kind of personal hell of their own that they don’t see an end to. Or see a purpose of. I know this blog attracts people in different walks of life. And lately in life, I have been meeting the most incredible people – people who are going through similar things as me. People who are a little further along in the journey or several paces behind. Everyone in our lives are a reflection of ourselves – either ourselves at the present, or in the past, or future, or even a reflection of ourselves we don’t want to be or are scared to be. Take a look around you, you will be quite shocked to realize it’s true. (I sure was).

If you are out there struggling, I can tell you, it’s going to be alright. We all are at the place we are supposed to be. Everything crappy we go through is either a lesson, karma, or a stepping stone to something better and brighter. I’m also learning that our thinking affects our lives and state of mind: negative and dark attracts negativity and darkness, and positive attracts positivity and light.

Anyway, I felt compelled to share this. Fix the inside and the outside will follow!

I’m learning that there is SO much more to life than this physical world we see. There is SO much more to people than just the shell we see and the personalities we allow each other to see. So. Much. More.