So….. on Friday night, after sitting around agonizing about what to do for hours, it suddenly clicked in my head: Call the damn doctor’s office and tell them you want a different antibiotic. Duh!! As smart as I like to believe I am, sometimes I can be so dense!
And that’s exactly what I did. I called, and 2 hours later I had a new prescription at the pharmacy to pick up. I ended up not picking it up until yesterday though. Anyway, the prescription is for Bactrim, which I’ve taken before. Very strong medicine at a strong dose. Truth be told, I felt very anxious and didn’t want to take anything at that point, but I forced myself because symptoms were getting kind of scary. (Most of the left side of my face by the nose and eye felt ‘off’ and I believe my left eye was becoming affected).
The good news is that the swelling and weirdness went away literally one hour after taking my first dose of Bactrim.
The bad news is that I have another 9 days on this extremely strong medicine, which is causing some unpleasant side effects, one of them being (as usual) a terrible headache. Plus it’s my TOM, so I have cramps and head pain related to that.
All in all, I’m in a fair amount of pain. But it’s OK. It’ll get better. I’m in a surprisingly good mood despite all this. 
These days, it takes a lot for me to not be in a good mood.
One ‘benefit’ (if you look at it that way) I’m getting from this illness is that I’ve had no appetite for days. I’d been doing the “4 to 6 small meals per day” plan for a while and now it’s “3-4 tiny meals per day”. I’ve had to go back to eating yogurt again simply for the probiotics and to coat my tummy when taking the meds. (I would trade the yogurt for a probiotics tablet, but as I’ve learned in the past, I seem to need the actual yogurt itself to coat my stomach so the strong meds don’t rip it to shreds). By the way, if anyone knows of a good non-soy, non-dairy probiotic solution that also ‘coats the stomach’ like yogurt, please let me know! I really appreciate the feedback and advice I get on here, a lot of you guys are really helpful and knowledgeable.
So right now I’m mostly subsisting on fat free Greek yogurt, oranges (clementines and mandarins), grapefruit, toast, soup, broth, veggies, popcorn, loads of water and tea. I’m keeping track of what I eat, and it’s been below the 1000 calorie mark several days now. I’m sure next week my appetite will pick back up a little.
Anyway, here it is my first day of TOM, and my pants are nice and loose. If that isn’t something to smile about, I don’t know what is! 
Onto non-weight/health stuff… yesterday I was relaxing on the couch watching TV, exhausted from the meds, and suddenly I felt the entire couch heave forwards, plus I heard that all too familiar creaking sound of the building that accompanies an earthquake. As is my immediate and uncontrollable reaction in this situation, I jumped up and began running. In all the times I’ve been in earthquakes while growing up in Cali, my first instinct is to run outside. However, I was in my nightgown yesterday, so instead I ran into my room with the intention of pulling on some pants before running outside. However, the earthquake was over as quickly as it started. Thank goodness. It ended up only being a 4.4, but it wasn’t too far away. I’m glad I don’t still live in that high rise tower downtown, I would have really freaked out!
I hate earthquakes, they make me panic immediately. Forget about getting in a doorway or under a table – I head to the nearest door and bolt. A lot of people are like this and it’s one of those knee-jerk adrenaline reactions you can’t really control. I remember so many earthquakes in Cali… small ones, big ones, medium ones, and aftershocks. After the famous 1994 Northridge earthquake, there were constant aftershocks. I used to get really bad pains in my arms and legs before an earthquake would happen (up to a day before). It might sound crazy, but at least twice I accurately predicted an earthquake out loud to other people before they happened. They say there are vibrations in the air before such events, and some people are sensitive enough to pick up on them.
Anyway, not much else to ramble on about right now… it’s another lazy day but I’m about to hop in the shower and run some errands. Hopefully the Advil I took a while ago will kick in to at least dull some of this pain!
TGIF!
Fever is gone. I’m feeling better although not 100%.
I have been meaning to update about my diet for a while now. Basically, I’ve been doing 4-6 small meals a day. Still working out. I’m not doing low carb or anything else in particular, just kind of eating what I feel like eating, which most of the time is pretty much healthy. I’m still not eating cheese! Which is seriously a miracle, I kid you not.
Anyway, I’m heading out the door in a few. I’ll update a bit more later!
Later update:
Well, I have no choice but to take the antibiotics. My cheek is now once again swelling up over the sinus. Natural remedies just ain’t cuttin’ it. 
Just a quick update… I still have a fever! It seemed to go up a bit a couple of hours ago and maybe drop back a bit. If I didn’t know any better I’d suspect that I have the same [Swine?] flu that I had several months ago. I know all those stupid antibiotics I was on in recent months have completely trashed my immune system, so it wouldn’t surprise me.
I’ve been sipping on water and tea all day, had some apple cider vinegar and honey, and a couple of pieces of toast, some soup and a couple of clementines.
For now I’m going to continue to relax… may be back online later tonight to update the main site or this site again.
by Rian on February 25, 2010
in Updates
I went to bed around 11pm last night and slept like a baby! However, when I first woke up around 7am, I was in total-body pain… my back, neck, glands and head hurt and I still had a fever. The pain was bad enough so I decided to take 2 Advil. They broke my fever and relieved a little of the discomfort, so I went back to sleep. Got up again around 11am. Fever is back.
At this point, I don’t honestly think it’s a sinus infection. There is no more pain over that area. This seems more like the flu or something. But I’m not sure.
Anyway, I could go back to the doctor (and will if it gets any worse), but at this point they won’t know what is wrong. There are no major symptoms, just body/head pain and fever, possibly some congestion in that sinus area but I’m not sure since there isn’t much pain to it. This doesn’t feel like a sinus infection, truth be told. If I take the antibiotic and end up having a viral thing, it would only be harming me further in the long run.
So I’m going to wait… lay in bed and read, drink some hot tea and maybe drink some veggie broth. The best thing to do when having a fever is to drink fluids, rest and not eat. I’m not hungry anyway so that won’t be a problem!
I’ve had a low-grade fever for the past several hours.
And I still haven’t taken the antibiotics. Or anything else for that matter. !!
by Rian on February 24, 2010
in Updates
So after a couple months of psychotherapy, I finally have an official diagnosis: Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD) – with obsessive compulsive tendencies. Prior to today, my psychologist had me down [tentatively] as having an Anxiety Disorder Not Otherwise Specified.
We made the discovery today after I told her about my last hypnosis session and what that had revealed, plus the couple of ‘bad’ days I had recently. It makes absolute perfect sense that after the hypnosis took away my desire for most comfort foods, plus made me not want to touch alcohol, then I would have nowhere else to turn other than obsessive-compulsive behavior (i.e., my excessive list and menu-making and straightening up of the apartment from over the weekend) to drown out and soothe my anxiety issues. So, we put that together along with everything we’ve discussed and learned since my first session with her, and it suddenly became very clear to both of us what my problem has been all this time. Prior to today I refused to believe I even had an anxiety disorder at all, but it sure all adds up now, not to mention I have many of the symptoms of GAD.
We suspect that this came on after my extremely traumatic car accident in Dec 2004 (after which I suffered from severe depression and fear for many, many months).
So, it turns out that all of this time I’ve been ‘literally’ self-medicating with food, alcohol and/or occasional obsessive compulsive behaviors. In my next session with her, we are going to discuss strategies to cope with it and overcome it. I am even seriously considering maybe taking a very mild anxiety med called BuSpar. (More on that later). I’m also going to find out if my hypnotherapist has any suggestions or techniques to tackle this issue.
Now that we officially know what in the hell is the matter with me, we can fix it. Yay!!!!!! 
Unfortunately anxiety disorders run in the family, as my mother had suffered from one and probably even my dad too, plus my younger sister definitely has one. So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that I also inherited it.
Anyway, I expect to sleep very good tonight.
I still haven’t taken the antibiotics… I’m trying to heal myself through sheer willpower and positive thinking. Oddly enough it seems to be working… or at least, the infection is dormant at the moment and I’m not in any pain. Just slight discomfort. I’m going to hold off on the antibiotics unless I absolutely have to take them.
Last night was another night of insomnia. I literally got 3 hours of sleep if that. Tonight I will be taking a nice long pink Himalayan salt bath before bed. I know that’ll get me sleeping again.
Today’s breakfast is three clementines, 1 whole wheat bagel with vegan ‘butter’, and green tea (caffeinated).
I’ll try and update more later!
Bad news…. my sinus infection has returned with a vengeance. I went to the doctor’s today and we have determined that it’s the maxillary sinuses that are infected and not the tooth. (Maxillary sinus infections often cause pain to radiate down the face and possibly to the gums). This time, the infection returned within 2 weeks of finishing an antibiotic prescription. I felt the symptoms yesterday and last night but kept convincing myself it was nothing.
This is really scary. The doctor’s gave me a free sample of a super strong antibiotic, since regular antibiotics haven’t been working. And this one has terrible side effects – I am literally terrified to take it! It can cause all sorts of horrible problems with organs and joints even months down the line. But if I don’t take it… who knows? Things may get worse and worse!
I am not going to lie, I am really upset and miserable right now. Coupled with the pain and discomfort that has set in with a vengeance, last night I had a terrible bout of insomnia. Each time I drifted off to sleep, I’d have nightmares. So I’m also sleep deprived. (Not to mention emotional due to PMS).
What the heck is the matter with me? I was doing so damn well…
Sorry for the really negative post, as you guys know I try to keep things as positive as possible here (and in general) these days. Things will get better!
So….. it’s been a busy few days!
On Friday, I went with my sister and niece to take her pit bull puppy (who is the size of a fully grown pit bull now even at 7 months old) to the vet in PetSmart because we suspected she was sick with some kind of skin condition. Sure enough, she has one, but thankfully it’s treatable and not transferable to humans or other animals. Whew. We had so much fun while waiting for her to come out because it was ‘Adopt a Dog’ day at that PetSmart location. There were tons of dogs there! What a crazy loud place it was, but we got to pet, play with and even walk some precious little (and not-so-little) angels.
My sister’s puppy is so sweet, adorable and lovable that everyone fell in love with her, including the vets, assistants and various other patrons of the store that were wandering around. But gosh was it difficult getting her to do anything, she is one of the most hyper dogs I have ever seen! She weighs 56 pounds now, and at one point I was in charge of holding onto her leash while my sister was picking out some items she needed. Sheesh. Sunshyne (the dog) literally dragged me around the store, then out of it when we were walking out to the car. She is one strong 56-pound dog! (In my defense, pit bulls do have a lot of muscle, not to mention I only restarted working out again recently ).
So onto food stuff: I can safely say that my dairy/cheese addiction is well and truly gone. I am so excited! Thoughts of cheese maybe cross my mind once or twice a day but I’m not the slightest bit tempted to go out and buy any. The only dairy I’ve been consuming is a little bit of butter and salad dressing. No more yogurt, cottage cheese or cheddar. Yay!
The bad news is that I had a weird OCD-like flareup over the weekend, for reasons that I can’t figure out. My mind was literally obsessing over something, but I really didn’t know what! I kept feeling like I needed something to make me feel better. I couldn’t really figure out what the problem was and it mystified me, especially given how positive I’d been over the past few weeks. It wasn’t a feeling of depression (I know that feeling and it wasn’t that) or despair or misery, but more like… I was missing something but didn’t know what.
So the start of the weekend was a little rough. But as of yesterday (Sunday), I decided to just start channeling that extra energy (the obsessive-compulsive feelings) into positive projects. I usually like to relax on the weekends that I have no plans, but I just couldn’t do that this weekend. I had to keep my hands and mind busy. So I worked on home projects, organized stuff, started and continued on some web projects, made lists, etc. (List-making is so therapeutic!) I made all sorts of lists, including a menu for this week (that I’m trying to stick to, so far with lots of success). It’s not an ordinary menu, it also has the amount of glasses of water and cups of tea I’m supposed to drink and the units of exercise I am to do. (Yes, I understand that this makes me sound crazy and neurotic. But at this point, I think the cat is out of the bag! Haha.)
I also went to visit my sister and niece at work yesterday. My sister does private home health care for ladies with dementia. Right now there is a woman there who is [actively] dying. So I went over there and we all sat with her for a while and then I played a few rounds of hide-and-go-seek with my niece. (Yes, I really am a kid at heart.) I had brought several clementines with me and we ate them all. Clementines are even sweeter than those mini mandarins! It’s almost like eating those orange-slice flavored candy. (As far as I’m concerned, the fruit is tastier than the candy). Absolutely delicious.
Anyway, all the distractions, list-making and organizing helped and the ‘bad’ feelings passed. Today was a good day, I actually accomplished a lot of stuff. It’s way past my bedtime now though (it’s 1am).
I’m seeing my regular psychologist on Wednesday. I suppose I’ll be telling her about this OCD stuff. I’m curious to see what her reactions to my compulsive and excess list-making and planning/organizing will be. 
Who knows, maybe my mind was somehow rebelling against all the ‘healthy’ stuff I’ve been doing lately?
So just a couple more quick thoughts:
- 1. I’m still working out pretty much every day and loving it!
- 2. Today I discovered that blueberry green tea with a tiny bit of honey is absolutely divine.
Anyway… bedtime!
Today I did 13.2 miles on my stationary bike… I can’t believe how fast my body is responding to this almost daily exercise! Since getting the bike nearly two weeks ago, I’ve only skipped one day of exercise.) I’m already noticing definite tightening and firming in my thighs, stomach, butt (very noticeable improvement there already, which isn’t surprising since it’s always been one of my better ‘assets’ ), thighs, legs and waist! Gosh do I love exercise! I’ve been switching between levels 5-9 (occasionally going to 10) so there is already some muscle improvement.
Well, today I ate no cheese or dairy except for a little bit of butter on some brown rice I had earlier. No cheese cravings yet. I have yogurt in my fridge and it’s crossed my mind about 2 times today to grab a carton, but each time I didn’t do it because the urge wasn’t strong. I guess the real test of this dairy/cheese/fast food aversion hypnosis therapy stuff will be to see some actual cheese in front of me, which may happen tomorrow night when I go to my sister’s place. I’m supposed to feel repulsed and even grossed out when I see cheese (and certain other foods including cottage cheese, yogurt, fast food, typical ‘junk food’, and alcohol). Even if I hear people talking these foods, I’m supposed to be majorly turned off or even grossed out. We’ll see if it works… we’ll see. Sometimes it takes a few sessions for it to work. We repeated the exercise 2 or 3 times yesterday though.
If it really ends up working, I’ll share with you all some of the actual visualization techniques I did. They can be done while meditating or anytime a person is just spending some quiet time alone.
So… today I ate very well! I had tons of fruit – 6 mini mandarins, 3 bananas, some brown rice, steamed veggies, 2 servings of protein, and some popcorn (2 of those mini 100-cal bags).
Another healthy habit I’ve added to my routine is drinking several cups of green tea a day. I never was a huge tea person, however, like many others before me have discovered, the more you drink of it, the more you want it! So I’ve been making some decaffeinated pomegranate green tea and regular green tea. I also got some ridiculously expensive white tea (very rare) at Whole Foods that I’m going to try soon.
So here I am… drinking lots of tea, eating lots of fruits and veggies, cutting out my ‘problem’ foods, exercising nearly every day for up to 1.5 hours, not drinking alcohol, staying cheerful most of the time, letting insults roll off of me without even giving them a second thought… (This week alone I’ve gotten some extremely nasty emails and comments, none of which have ruffled me in the slightest. My website traffic on the main website has gone up significantly in the last week, which explains the influx of negativity. Of course, there has also been an influx of positive feedback.) Anyway I must admit I’m doing SO much better these days! I’ve still got some work cut out for me of course, but I’m getting there.
One thing I haven’t mentioned here yet is that the major reason I’m really working hard to ‘fix’ myself (inside and out) this year is because I would like to move on to other areas of work sometime in the future. Here are the various areas I’m considering for the future: Energy work/Reiki healing, hypnotherapy (I find it absolutely fascinating and amazing), some sort of grief or hospice counseling, and/or some sort of intuitive/psychic work. I figure, I’m 32 now and have lived ‘for myself’ all my life. I figure it’s time I moved on to devoting the rest of my life (or at least most of it) to helping and/or healing others in various ways. And there are so many opportunities to do just that for people who want to! And I definitely do.
Anyway…. as usual, I’ve rambled on long enough for now! Time to go finish watching tonight’s episode of “Private Practice” and do some stretching and maybe have another couple of mini mandarins. (I just finished a workout a little over an hour ago). These late night workouts have been messing up my sleep schedule a bit. Oops.
