October 2009

How ridiculous it was for me to worry that I have diabetes! I’ve had time to think about it. And I think the eye doctor may be wrong about the diabetes thing.

I realized that I have no real symptoms of diabetes. Here are a list of symptoms I found online:

* Frequent urination
* Excessive thirst
* Extreme hunger
* Unusual weight loss
* Increased fatigue
* Irritability
* Blurry vision

I don’t have these symptoms! I’m not overly thirsty. I’m not fatigued (except when sick). I have trouble drinking water, not the other way around. I definitely don’t have unusual weight loss. I don’t have extreme hunger. I don’t pee excessively (except when detoxing).

I also no longer have blood sugar crashes. I haven’t had one since sometime in Jan or Feb of this year! I learned how to keep my blood sugar stable.

So.. I’m not going to worry or stress about what he said. I’ve been embracing new positivity in my life lately and I’m going to keep it up! And keep up the healthy eating, although high-fat stuff is now very limited. I’ve thrown out the nut butter and cheese and have very much limited nuts and seeds. I’m focusing more on fresh fruit again.

Will update more at a later time about how it’s all going!

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So, I went to the eye doctor’s today.

He told me I need to get tested for diabetes, because of my ever-changing vision. It’s really frustrating – he couldn’t even get a proper reading of my lens prescription because one minute I could see a row of letters, then next it was blurry.

Frustrating.

I’m scared. I don’t want to go to the doctor’s and find out that my BP is still high or that I need to start taking meds or insulin. I absolutely refuse.

Anyway, I cannot type any more about this right now. I am in need of relaxation and sleep. It’s almost 1am and I’m going to go take a long bubble bath, read some more of my book, then listen to a “Sleep Soundly” CD and go to bed. The “Sleep Soundly” CD was one of the ones I purchased, and I used it last night and had some interesting and pleasant results.

I’ll update more later!

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For some reason the past few days, I’ve had a very strong urge to go back to a raw foodism. Very strong. Perhaps my body is trying to tell me something? Whatever it is, I’m a listenin’!

Today I’ve only eaten raw foods. Kind of random stuff, but so far (not in this order) I’ve had a couple ounces of raw-milk (unpasteurized) cheese, a huge green veggie salad w/ fresh guacamole as a dressing, some raw sunflower seeds, lots of tomatoes, a few teaspoons of raw almond butter (the only ingredient in the almond butter is: raw almonds!) and plenty of fruit. I’m not thinking about it much and only eating when I’m hungry. I also took my new raw-food vitamins and drank lots of purified water. I feel really good right now except…

…a couple of my old flu symptoms returned. I had some digestive problems earlier as well as some shortness of breath when I walked some garbage out to the compactor earlier this evening. I’m not going to dwell on it though, I’m sure it’s nothing! One thing I’ve been learning from that Yogi book I’m reading is that if we fear or think about sickness or negativity, it often manifests in some way in our lives. So I’m staying positive.

This may sound crazy (you are probably used to that from me by now!), but I’ve been listening to a free download called “Stress Free” from innertalk.com. It’s a free downloadable MP3 that plays the sounds of nature on a 6-minute loop, and there’s positive affirmations playing inaudibly in the background that your subconscious mind supposedly picks up on. The affirmations are simple, like “I am calm. I am relaxed. I am stress free. I am at peace,” etc. Of course I’m a skeptic by nature. But I downloaded it anyway and started listening to it a few days ago when sitting at my computer just surfing the ‘net or working. I put my media player on ‘repeat’ and turn the volume to low so I can hear the nature sounds at a low level.

Anyway, I have to admit that I’ve already noticed a change. About 20 minutes into the first play, I suddenly began feeling very relaxed and calm. I’ve listened to it every day for the past 3 days for at least 40 minutes, and each day I feel a little more calm and at peace overall. Even with the normal stress going on. I feel very mild and relaxed towards things that would normally have me frustrated or irritated. I really should check my blood pressure, I’m curious to see if it’s gone down at all.

Who knows if it’s ‘all in my head’ or not? I’m going to keep listening to it and see what happens. I do believe that our minds are extremely powerful – much more so than we even realize.

I also ordered a couple of CD’s from that site. I’m not yet going to reveal which ones I ordered. I’ll report to you all about it if they work!

So yes, I’ve been embracing positivity and light in my life again as much as possible. A comment that someone left on one of my last posts really got me thinking. The person said “You ARE a beautiful woman.” That made me think. Shouldn’t we all be able to tell ourselves with certainty – and mean it – that we are beautiful human beings? I tried it on myself. I tried telling myself that I’m a beautiful human being. And… I couldn’t really do it. I tried saying it like a positive affirmation, but I felt silly and fake. Like I didn’t mean it. I guess because I don’t really believe it? How many of you all out there can tell yourself with honesty that you are beautiful (inside) and mean it?

Well I’ve rambled on long enough. To sum things up, I’m back on a high-raw foods diet. But this time with a little less fruit and a little more veggies and greens. I’ve also decided to stop fighting my sleep patterns. The truth is, my sleep is totally weird, random and sporadic. I keep trying to force myself into a “normal” sleeping pattern, but it never sticks. Ever. Especially since I don’t have the caffeine jolt to wake me up each morning anymore. So… what’s the point of fighting it? My body likes to sleep during the day. Oh well, I can live with it. After all, I’m a blogger for a living. I can work around my sleep schedule.

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(OK technically it’s Saturday, since it’s 1:21am in the morning). Anyway, Friday was a good but very busy day. The day started and ended great. I woke up feeling wonderful. Last night (Thursday) I read several chapters of “Autobiography of a Yogi” before going to sleep, which is so far an amazing book. (I will be reading a few more chapters tonight before going to sleep as well). It took a few chapters to get into and there are several parts that I’m not sure if I believe 100%, but the book is fascinating and wonderful. Obviously I’m not a Hindu, but lately I’ve been extremely and curiously drawn to reading about many different religions and beliefs. Right now I seem to be drawn to learning about Hinduism, meditation and spiritual practices relating to it. I partly credit that book for my feeling great this morning.

On that topic, I have a huge stack of books that I’m challenging myself to read in the next few months, as mentioned in a previous post. Many of them are about various religions or spiritual beliefs (including books about the foundation of my religious experience and beliefs – Christianity). There’s also some science, conspiracy theory (a secret interest of mine), astronomy, history, biography, literature and various non-fiction. And yes, I still read chick lit novels! Mostly I read them while lounging in the bathtub though. (Chick lit and long warm bubble baths go very well together!)

So anyway…. today was good. I woke up a little later than usual (probably because of my hour-long dead sea salt bathtub soak last night, which relaxed me considerably). Got a lot of stuff done and organized a bunch of stuff. It’s been a crazy few weeks, what with the move, the sickness (which is lingering – more about that below), the new car, my insurance woes, and other things. I can’t even get into all that’s happened because it’s too long to type up here. But everything seems to have calmed down FINALLY… I’m moved in and 95% unpacked, my car is finally financed (it took a while because the banks are cracking down hardcore due to the bank/mortgage industry crash, plus I’m self-employed, which is a nightmare to deal with and prove, even with all the necessary tax documents, bank statements, and a large down payment, all of which I had!) and my insurance is finally straightened out. Plus I have an eye doctor’s appointment next week and an upcoming dental appointment.

Yesterday when I was coming home after picking up my car from the dealership (after having some custom work done on it) I realized my welcome mat was missing from in front of my apartment door. There’s no way it could have blown away although it’s been really windy lately (it was very sturdy/heavy); someone clearly stole it. Just answer me this: who the hell would steal someone’s welcome mat?! And in a gated community?! How lame! I bought a new one earlier tonight. If IT disappears, I will know something weird is going on.

My sister, my niece and their puppy came over to visit earlier. I only live about 5 miles east of my sister now. Funnily enough we live right off the same street, just on opposite sides of town. Her puppy is getting so big! And she’s so beyond hyper, it’s like she’s on massive amounts of speed. Every time she sees me, she goes absolutely nuts. I don’t know why. She jumps all over me like a maniac and licks me all over and claws me up good (lovingly). I have scratches up and down my arms right now. I don’t mind though, I love her!

(She seems to love posing for pics now that she’s getting older. I took this picture earlier this evening at my sister’s place.)

Anyway, so we all hung out here for a while, took a walk around the grounds here (finally I got some exercise). Then we drove in separate cars over to her apartment. We hung out there for a while, then decided on a trip to Walmart to get a couple of things. The Walmart by her house is really ghetto. People were going CRAZY tonight! I mean both adults and kids. Yelling, running around, acting like nutcases, random guys trying to pick up on us. I don’t know why, but even after we left the store, people were speeding or driving way too slow and acting crazy. It’s not a full moon, so I don’t know what was causing the issue! (Did anyone else notice this tonight?)

By the way, it’s not unusual for guys to pick up on my sister – she is totally gorgeous, looks nothing like me. But I’ve noticed in the past few weeks that more and more guys are starting to notice me again too. Every 10 pounds that I’ve lost, I’ve gotten more male attention. Back when I was in the 120’s, I got attention all the time (even though I’m not classically pretty). I’m curious to see what happens from here.

So… moving on to weight stuff. I got on the scale today when I first woke up and let me say it was awesome. I saw that elusive number I’ve been waiting for: 149 even. I am no longer overweight. My BMI is 24.8. Damn. Just think… a year ago, my BMI was somewhere around 30. Yeah, 24.8 is nowhere near my goal, but I’m still so grateful and excited. I am no longer OVERWEIGHT. Damn, I never thought I’d get to this point! (Even though I was only ‘overweight’ for about 3 years. Still.)

I’m happy right now, and it doesn’t only have to do with weight.

I should mention that today’s intake wasn’t the best. I started off well with a couple of pears for breakfast (like yesterday). But it all went downhill from there. I ended up having chocolate, some Halloween cookies, some cheese and some mashed potatoes. I do not under any circumstances plan to get on the scale tomorrow.

Onto sickness stuff… it’s been 2 weeks since I came down with the [swine] flu. I started feeling mostly normal around day 9. Mostly this week I’ve felt OK, but there are some lingering symptoms. Mostly weakness and lethargy. I have weird recurring and residual weakness in my arms and sometimes legs. It happens out of the blue and mostly in the evenings; I’ll just suddenly feel tired, lethargic and weak. Even after an energetic day. And to top everything off, as of yesterday, I feel as though I have a cold or something. I’ve been sneezing, blowing my nose, hearing weird clicking noises in my ears and have overall felt tired.

Will this sickness (whatever the heck it is) ever go away?

Anyway, I’m off to take a long leisurely bath and read some more of my book!

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I blew it yesterday with my calorie count… but I did very well on sodium intake – had roughly 950mg. I did just OK with water – had about 5 glasses in all. I wonder why it’s so hard to drink water now when at one point I was nearly addicted to it…?

I didn’t weigh myself today. I’m going to wait until Friday.

Anyway, I’ve been running around all day long. I’ll update more here later!

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Today’s morning weigh-in told me I am 151 pounds. Blah. Actually, it’s my fault because I indulged in some fattening and salty food last night. After a few days of ‘mostly clean’ eating, my body apparently decided to latch onto as much sodium and fat as it could.

I’ve been finding that drinking enough water is really difficult lately. If I don’t keep it in the back of my mind all day, I’ll go hours and hours without drinking any at all. Two days ago I did excellent and kept a notebook open on my breakfast bar, where I kept track of calories, sodium and water intake. Probably sounds a bit obsessive, but unfortunately it’s necessary for me or I either eat too much or drink too little water. Yesterday I did well up until the point that I decided to order Mexican food for dinner.

So to make up for last night’s the salty fattening meal, today I’m sticking to 1000 calories, no more than 1200mg or sodium, and 10 glasses of distilled water. (Plus vitamins, etc).

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