Archive for May, 2008
Friday, May 30th, 2008
Just a quick post to say I’m doing fabulous! I’ve forced myself (and yes, some days it has been a literal forcing) to get back up to a 40+ minute workout on both my elliptical and weights.
Excitingly enough, I just zipped up and buttoned a pair of capris that did NOT button up just yesterday. They zipped up, but would not button or clasp no matter how hard I sucked in my stomach.
This is major progress, because I’m sitting here comfortably in front of my computer, wearing the capris now.
(Of course, some of the weight loss was due to TOM bloat going away, which tends to go away overnight).
Anyway…….
I’m really contented and at peace these days. My health and weight are on my mind but I am not obsessing over them. Right now, I feel it is the right thing to do to eat as healthily as possible and exercise regularly. So I am. I have no goal weight or size in mind though, I’d just like to exercise healthy principles in my life and see what results come of them. And I know results WILL come. My body has been working hard to heal the damage I did with alcohol for the past couple of years. It probably isn’t done yet.
I just want to be healthy, vibrant and have lots of energy… and yes, I don’t want to look bloated in pictures. 
That’s definitely not too much to ask!
I hope you all have a great weekend! I will update again soon. And don’t forget to add me on Myspace if you already haven’t! http://myspace.com/justrian.
Posted in Goals, Updates | 4 Comments »
Sunday, May 25th, 2008
OK, it’s been hotter than hell out here in the good ole’ Midwest, and I just cannot handle it. The humidity is disgustingly awful and makes me feel like I am in a sauna anytime I step outdoors even for one moment.
Every extra pound I have on me makes it all the more unbearable.
It’s officially summer in less than a month, and I’d like to lose an additional 10 pounds by then. That is my first goal. That’s the only goal I will make for now. Once I accomplish it - and I will - I will make another goal.
I will get on the scale first thing tomorrow when I get up. I’m dreading it since it’s PMS week, but oh well.
So, it’s no more Mexican food for me for a while. No more ordering in, unless it’s from a healthy restaurant. A totally cool and awesome friend I made recently gave me a huge bag of Popsicles and a bag of lifesavers to eat if/when I get sugar (or alcohol) cravings. They are both fat free and very low in calories. Providing I don’t go overboard, they will come in handy!
Today I did badly - I had yogurt and cantaloupe for breakfast. But then it went downhill from there.
Somehow I’m going to have to acclimate myself to this horribly hot and miserable weather. As a transplanted New Englander, I have no choice. Perhaps I should take a walk along the river tomorrow, for a start? It’s supposed to be 91 degrees and probably 70% humidity, which is absolutely unbearable. But I need to get used to it somehow. I’m gonna be here for a while…
Posted in Updates | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, May 20th, 2008
I can’t seem to stop eating Mexican food. I’m addicted. It’s bad. I’ve sampled 5 Mexican restaurants in the space of 10 days.
Yikes.
Anyway, I have a Myspace page now: http://myspace.com/justrian. Yeah, I swore I’d never do another one. But I was bored the other night when I couldn’t sleep so I just made one. Hopefully THIS one won’t get hacked!
Feel free to send me a friend invite… so far I only have 3 friends on there.
I’m almost back to my old exercise regime. Today I spent 30 minutes on the elliptical and 5 minutes with arm weights. I’m going to begin looking around for a gym to join out here… I need the motivation, badly.
Posted in Updates | No Comments »
Monday, May 19th, 2008
It’s quite weird, but no matter what size I really am, I usually think of myself as the skinny, awesome-bodied girl I was most of my life. I had such a fabulous figure for slightly more than 10 of the 12 1/2 adult years I have lived that it is an image that’s hard to let go in my mind. I can’t seem to truly and realistically get it through my thick head that I NEED to lose weight. That I NEED to slim down and uncover my once killer body.
Some may call it Body Dysmorphic Disorder. But I call it a blessing… who the heck needs yet another obsession or reason to be mad at oneself?
Let me explain… I know this post is coming off very strangely. You see, I know I am still technically “overweight”. I know I don’t have that 26-inch waist that I had for many years. My upper arms and legs aren’t as slender and gracefully feminine that they were for those 10 years. Now, they are all covered in an extra layer or two of fat.
But in my every-day life, as I carry about my business, see friends, family, hang out, relax, have fun, etc, I’m not usually aware that my body is no longer beautiful. In fact, for reasons I don’t quite understand, it’s engraved in the back of my mind that my body is awesome. I look in the mirror and about 85% of the time don’t see those layers of fat.
But they are there. The scale tells me so. The size of clothing I have to purchase tells me so even louder.
Perhaps I am in denial about what I really look like?
Perhaps this is the reason I have found it so hard to really get rid of this extra weight?
Perhaps I am making excuses again? 
Perhaps I just no longer give a flying frig?
Perhaps I need to invest in florescent lighting and stand in front of a full-length mirror naked?
Anyway, this post probably won’t make very much sense to most of you. I guess what I am trying to say is that although I know intellectually that no, I am NOT slender and gorgeous, it just doesn’t matter much to me these days.
The truth of the matter is that I am undergoing a psychological, emotional and spiritual change in my life that is making all the stupid and meaningless stuff just not mean much anymore. Like… obsession with my weight.
Posted in Updates, Uncategorized | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, May 14th, 2008
Just a quick update to say I’m doing quite well on my diet the past couple of days. Those darn stomach problems have finally went away (for the most part) and I’m trying to fill my body with more veggies and fruit.
Everything else is going pretty well right now too… I’ve been keeping myself pretty busy lately. I am beginning to work on a new site for the show/movie Sex and the City… (more on that later), plus planning to take some web programming classes when I can find some, plus making new friends, etc. I will be going to visit my buddy S in Branson, MO in the next few weeks, which I’m looking forward to. He’s really cool and we always have a lot of fun when we hang out. Plus, Branson has THE best old antique shops ever… tons of them that you can wander around in for hours.
I started back up on my elliptical machine yesterday and it was fantastic! I had been doing it a couple times a week just long enough so that I didn’t lose all the muscle I gained back in NH, but now I’m starting back up to my 30+ minute workouts. I’m seriously considering joining a gym out here for the motivation factor.
And a quick photo of the very green Tulsa. This photo was taken from my balcony 5 minutes ago and is directed North/Northeast:
Posted in Updates | No Comments »
Tuesday, May 13th, 2008
Now I understand why so many celebrities - and regular people - have so much trouble with relapsing when they are supposed to be recovering from either drug or alcohol addiction.
Recovery is HARD. HARD. I will never again make fun of anyone struggling with any addiction. Alcoholism is actually a deadly disease and supposedly less than 4% who are afflicted with it recover.
I’m determined to be in that 4%! I don’t care what I have to do.
(No, I have not relapsed, but had I not had several new AA friends to call and meetings to go to, I surely would have today.)
Update on my appetite: still non-existent.
Update on my weight: Down another pound! (3.5 lost in 5 days). Pants sliding down hips again. Almost accidentally flashed shoppers at grocery store earlier.
Well it’s 3am and I’m going to bed!
Posted in Updates, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »
