Somehow
Somehow overnight (it seems) I have gotten revoltingly huge. Enormous. Buffalo seem thin compared to me, as do elephants and hippos.
I am currently suffering from a really bad case of “I hate my body” syndrome.
It probably has to do with the fact that I am being forced to wear less clothing, i.e., short sleeves, due to hot weather. All winter I’ve been able hide my fat arms.
Now? They are on display, in full fat glory.
I don’t think I’m ever eating again.
6 Responses to “Somehow”
By Nicole on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
Rian, I’ve seen your pictures and you are NOT fat. You’re a slim and lovely girl. You seem to be on a roller coaster of emotions. I bet once you get a little bit more settled with your new routine and alcohol-free lifestyle in Tulsa, I’d be willing to bet you’ll feel tons better. I hope so. Don’t stop eating!!! You are worth better than that.
By nikki on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
First of all, I’m sure your arms are not fat!
Secondly, I was wondering if you ever do any weights or anything to tone up your arms? I know you do a lot of cardio that involves your legs, such as the elliptical and biking; but maybe more arm exercise would help you feel less self-conscious? Just an idea.
Good luck! I’m glad to see you’re writing again!
By Sam on Apr 23, 2008 | Reply
aww sweetie. i know that feeling; everybody does. try to remember noticing your stomach was flattening out, things like that. you KNOW you’re putting yourself on track to be in much better shape than you were pre-alcohol revelation.
on a more practical level, as awful as this sounds, try to remember that there are people far heavier than you with no qualms about wearing a lot less clothing than you’re uncomfortable in right now. always helps me on “fat” days; people are more likely to notice unfortunate things about your appearance if you’re carrying yourself like that’s all there is to you.
keep your chin up!! hopefully tomorrow will be better.
By NotDieting.com on Apr 24, 2008 | Reply
Noooo! Read my blog and feel better.
By sara on Apr 24, 2008 | Reply
You are a clever, considerate, successful woman. please don’t waste your amazing life on this. Please think about the millions who starve to death or don’t have enough water to drink. Good for you to try and eat and exercise in a healthy way, but hating yourself is counter-productive. Don’t lose time. You’ll be dead one day, what will you be proud about when you look back? Losing weight? Maybe. Obsessing and beating yourself up? Hardly.
By Rian on Apr 25, 2008 | Reply
You guys are SOOO sweet - thanks for cheering me up!!