Wow
Wednesday, April 30th, 2008Somehow I lost 2.5 pounds overnight!
I had to get on and off the scale three times to believe my eyes…
I have weighed myself every morning upon waking up for the past few days. So it can’t just be a fluke.
More later…
Archive for April, 2008
OK I’m Back & A Confession
Tuesday, April 29th, 2008Well, I’m officially “back”.
I stepped on the scale this morning and let me tell you, it wasn’t a pretty sight. I’ve actually gained weight in the last couple of weeks.
Oddly enough my clothes all still fit, though… so I’m a little confused.
Time to be honest… I’ve spent the last two weeks going to AA meetings every day, detoxing my body from alcohol, getting a sponsor and starting the “12 steps”.
Yep, ladies, it would appear that I am officially an alcoholic. This is something that once would terrify me to admit, but strangely enough now I don’t mind admitting it. After all, I’ve admitted it out loud to a room full of people no less than 20 times in the past couple of weeks!
I wanted to pretend everything was fine, but really it wasn’t for a while there. I was drinking every single day the entire time I was in NH. Yep. I was drinking more than I ever admitted here and to anyone else. I drank enough for those 3 months that I made myself very, very ill when I tried to stop on my way back here to Tulsa.
When in fact I tried to stop completely, I was going through serious withdrawals, as I had admitted in a previous post that has since been deleted. SERIOUS ones that ended up lasting for almost 2 weeks! When I realized what I had done, I knew without a doubt that yes, I am an alcoholic and I needed help.
So I walked into my first AA meeting nearly 2 weeks ago, still shaking, sick, miserable and stricken with severe anxiety and panic. The people at that meeting were so kind, they all understood what I was going through. I was given phone numbers. I was approached at the end of the meeting by a woman who is now my unofficial sponsor.
It’s a serious thing to admit, but I am admitting it… I have a problem with alcohol. It’s not normal to drink so much in a three month period that you end up with DT’s when you try and stop…
I’m sober now, however, and intend on remaining this way indefinitely. Alcoholism is no joke. After all, it claimed the life of both my parents when I was in my teens… I am an adult child of an alcoholic. (Well, 2 to be exact). I am learning that it’s really not surprising that I ended up also having a problem with an addictive substance.
Anyway… I’m attending meetings every day and will soon attend Al-Anon meetings as well. I’m working the 12 steps to ensure that I never take another drink. I’m making new friends and actually am happier now than I have been in a LONG time! The people I meet at these meetings are some of the funniest, smartest and interesting people I have ever met. AA meetings are not like you see on TV and movies… the people are laughing, joking and have this happy, peaceful glow about them. (Seriously!)
So that’s what has been up with me lately. Weight loss hasn’t been on the front burner since getting back here to Tulsa for obvious reasons.
However, this morning I stepped on the scale and let’s just say it wasn’t good. I have some work to do.
Thankfully, now it’ll be a hell of a lot easier to lose this weight now that I’m not drinking! Man, when I think about those extra calories I would be putting down every night… it’s a wonder I lost any weight at all while I was in NH.
So I’m back on the healthy-eating and exercising thing… I’ve had to restart exercising a bit slower due to the fact that I was so damn ill for a few weeks.
But I’m back…
One Of These Days
Saturday, April 26th, 2008One of these days I will come back here and actually update on my progress…
But right now I am finding I have more important things to do, plus I’m just not feeling like updating this blog lately.
But I’ll be back soon.
Somehow
Wednesday, April 23rd, 2008Somehow overnight (it seems) I have gotten revoltingly huge. Enormous. Buffalo seem thin compared to me, as do elephants and hippos.
I am currently suffering from a really bad case of “I hate my body” syndrome.
It probably has to do with the fact that I am being forced to wear less clothing, i.e., short sleeves, due to hot weather. All winter I’ve been able hide my fat arms.
Now? They are on display, in full fat glory.
I don’t think I’m ever eating again.
Tuesday Update
Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008One thing I have noticed since stopping my alcohol consumption is that my stomach has nearly flattened out, even during my TOM.
Honestly, I haven’t been making a huge effort to diet lately, but I’ve been eating three meals per day with no snacks. I start the day with a rather large breakfast, then have a medium lunch and usually have a smaller meal at dinner. For the longest time I never had an appetite in the morning, but thankfully that has changed since cutting out the booze. It’s so much better to eat more in the morning than at night!
The foods I have been lately eating aren’t organic or overly healthy, but somehow, the weight is coming off regardless. I have been drinking 3/4 of a gallon of purified water every day and taking vitamin shakes whenever I remember to.
As for exercise… I’m still not back up to my hour per day routine I was doing in NH, but I’m keeping active. I’ve been taking walks in the very hilly area behind my sister’s apartment complex, doing my elliptical at home and doing arm weights and pilates resistance exercises. This evening I’m planning a speed walk along the river (if weather permits) and an elliptical workout.
Eventually I’ll get back to my rigorous workout schedule and organically healthy eating plan, but for now… what I am doing is working and I’m SOOOOO thankful to be feeling “normal” again!
Quick Update
Saturday, April 19th, 2008Just wanted to do a quick update and let you all know I’m doing well! My physical health has returned, as has my peace of mind. The weather out here has been beautiful lately. I am kind of taking a break from the internet (as much as my job as a “web publisher/blogger” allows me to, that is).
B has been getting super trashed every night back in NH and calling me while he is wasted out of his mind… it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to answer the phone anymore. I’ve been attending AA meetings and I think it’s helping me see why I got quite a bit out of control with my drinking back in NH… when I do return there, things are going to have to be different. No bars with B, no hanging with B because frankly, he triggers me to drink. I blame myself because it was my choice to drink, but he is definitely a trigger because he drinks and smokes herb like there is no tomorrow. I cannot do that to myself anymore… (well, the drinking, not the herb, as I don’t do that anyway). There is a chance that I may only be returning to NH to pack my things. But more on that later… I have some important decisions to make and a few months to make them.
I’ll update on my new exercise and eating plan later on! I hope everyone is enjoying the weekend so far.
