My Weight Story

I figured that it is time to tell my weight story. Sit back, as this will be long…

For the very first year of my life, I was unable to digest much of any food. I would constantly spit-up. My mom was worried sick- thought I would die from malnutrition. (I have journals from her during this time to prove it). I had some sort of digestive problem that would prevent me from eating a normal amount.

Fast-forward to my teen years… things were OK. I was super-skinny all through my childhood - never once being anywhere near overweight or even a normal weight. I was always underweight.

From ages 7 to maybe 17, I would be OK so long as I didn’t eat too much. When I either ate too much, or too big of portions, or whatever - I would get really sick… and throw up. It wasn’t bulimia, as I never, ever wanted to purge. It was some sort of digestive problem. After a big meal, or whatever (I never figured out what caused it exactly), I would become nauseous for a few hours, then eventually throw up everything in my stomach. It was MISERABLE and HORRIBLE. I HATED IT with a passion.

During this time, around 14 years of age, one day, I looked down at my thighs. I remember that I was at a school assembly or something. I thought: “damn, my thighs are huge! I must be fat.” I was really upset and truly, seriously, thought I was fat.

I was probably 5′4 and 92 pounds. And I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. At the time, I was at a 15.8 BMI, which calculates to underweight. But I THOUGHT I WAS FAT. At the time.

Thankfully, this phase only lasted a few days, I think. (Could have been a few weeks). I vaguely remember getting all weird about food and calories. I wouldn’t have any snacks or anything. If I did, I’d wonder if the calories would make me fat.

One day, probably only a week or two later, I was sitting on yet another bench in yet another assembly at school. I remember clearly looking down at my thighs… and thinking: “you know what? Compared to other people, my thighs aren’t fat. I’ve seen myself in photos, and I am very skinny. Everyone’s thighs spread like this on a bench”.

I think I was 14 around this time. After that day, I gave no additional thought to “being fat”. I ate what I wanted and didn’t think about dieting or anything like that. I would occasionally suffer from that ridiculous “throw up” disorder, where I would be inexplicably sick and nauseated for hours and hours until… well you know.

However, about 1 1/2 month before my 18th birthday, things changed…

(this story will be continued in a later post)