Archive for October, 2007
Sunday, October 28th, 2007
So, I am sitting here in my hotel in Terre Haute, IN, eating the meal I ordered from room service. Which is very healthy: A Cobb salad (I needed protein), a side of veggies, and a martini.
This road trip hasn’t been the best in recent memory. It rained throughout New York, to begin with. Last night I stayed in Erie, PA. The hotel I selected did not have room service so I had to eat stuff I grabbed from a nearby Walmart. (Don’t ask). The real trouble started when I went to bed. Now, I must say this: The Hampton Inn has THE most comfortable beds and linen EVER. I would buy and entire bed and sheet set if I could. However, I could not sleep a wink last night.
Not only could I not sleep, but my heart was doing its stupid stop/palpitation thing that it’s been doing lately. Only worse. Every time I drifted off, I would jerk awake in fear and anxiety. My heart raced.
I mean, come ON. What is wrong with me? I am fed up with this shit! I finally drifted off comfortably around 7am, only to wake up at 9am to get ready to leave.
So… today was fine at first. My car has been great - no lights coming on, no problems. I stopped for coffee at a Pilot in Ohio, which is my absolute favorite regular coffee of all time. There were a couple of cute guys there that checked me out, even.
When I got about 30 miles from my destination for the night - Terre Haute - I suddenly felt “weird”. It’s hard to describe, but I’ve been getting this a lot lately when I don’t eat enough protein during the day. It’s a sudden weakness, dizziness, and a feeling that I am going to pass out.
Yes, I was driving at about 82 mph, feeling like I was going to pass out. Not good. There were no exits to be seen anywhere, so I was forced to pull over.
You know that old saying “When you have your health, you have everything? But when you don’t, you have nothing”?
It’s true. What fun is living and traveling and exercising if you can’t sleep at night, and feel like you are going to pass out at any given moment?
Something is definitely wrong here. It’s time to see a doctor.
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Saturday, October 27th, 2007
As of Saturday morning (Oct 27th) I will be on the road once again, back to Tulsa, Oklahoma from New Hampshire. I am not looking forward to the trip, as it will likely be raining the entire way. Plus, I am seriously tired of long-distance driving. My poor car is giving me trouble and it will be a miracle if it makes it to Tulsa with no problems or no dashboard lights coming on.
Instead of driving 2 days for 13 hours, I have decided to give myself a break. Saturday, I will drive about 9 hours and reach Erie, PA that night. Sunday night, I will be in Terre Haute, IN. I will arrive back in Tulsa on Monday afternoon or evening at some point.
Roadtrip food sucks. There is nearly nothing edible and healthy on the road. I may as well resign myself to McDonald’s. Or go on a 2 1/2 day fast.
Gag.
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Friday, October 26th, 2007
For some odd reason, I can’t eat much of anything.
Seriously.
I had…. egg whites (eggbeaters) and a pear for breakfast. Finishing the meal was a challenge - I was full before finishing. Then, I had a chicken breast for lunch.
I am trying to decide to eat something for dinner, but everything looks unappetizing.
I’m just not hungry. At all. I think my stomach has closed up shop or something.
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Thursday, October 25th, 2007
I am in a rambling type of mood right now, so I figured I would do a post about something that happened a couple weeks ago:
I was hanging out at a friend’s house - we’ll call him D. (He’s my friend that is actually dying of cancer). Anyway, my buddy B stopped by to shoot the breeze, etc. He had a few beers and got drunk.
Well, that’s when he started calling me “pudgy” and said I had a fat stomach and ass.
Hey, he’s right and all - I have many times admitted it to both myself and him and others.
So why was it still hurtful?
I don’t knock people for being honest at all - in fact, I think people should be honest with friends when they are overweight and give them tough love. Don’t tell your overweight and unhealthy friend that she looks fine… tell her she needs to get healthy. You aren’t doing anyone any favors by lying to them. Just be as nice as possible.
So anyway, I told B that yes, I had been exercising and dieting for a couple weeks or so. And yes, thank you, I know I am fat.
He kept it up until D told him to shut up.
But yes, it hit me deep inside and made me even more resolved to lose the extra weight and become slim and healthy.
But B has some nerve talking about fat… he has pancreas problems (due to drinking) that causes pretty much nothing he eats to be absorbed. Therefore, he is about 100 pounds at 5′6″. Here’s the kicker:
HE EATS LIKE AN ABSOLUTE PIG. HE CHOWS DOWN ON FAST FOOD, PIZZA, JUNK, SUGAR, BEER, ETC. AND DOESN’T GAIN AN OUNCE BECAUSE HIS BODY CAN’T ABSORB IT.
Yet here I am, counting calories, exercising my ass off… and still overweight. And before I started dieting, I didn’t eat HALF as much as he does.
Where is the justice in this? Seriously?
In conclusion, this post was not to make anyone feel sorry for me. If anything, my friend B being an a*shole and telling me the truth was liberating, although he could have been nicer about it. Anyway, I don’t care what the researchers say about calorie counting. I am a true non-believer in calorie counting. I believe that 80% of weight problems is because of genetics and health. I can count calories until I am blue in the face and still not lose much weight. Yet someone else can stuff their face full of junk and be stick-thin. And still someone else can eat fast food every day and not gain an ounce.
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Thursday, October 25th, 2007
First and foremost, thank you for the comments that some of you leave. I read them all and I appreciate them all. 
Today I did one of the best damn workouts ever… I drove to a nearby park and took a 45-minute power walk. Only this time, I chose a very hilly and woodsy path. (The nearby park has tons of different paths - some very hilly, woodsy and rocky; some flat and paved). Anyway, I walked up and down and up and down at a very fast pace - nearly a jog - for 45 straight minutes.
Based on my very pounding and rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath during part of the workout, I’d say I was really doing something right. Don’t get me wrong - I didn’t feel weak or sick. I felt GREAT. I love love love endorphins and exercise.
I’m looking forward to getting back to my apartment in Tulsa, because there, I have an indoor workout room and indoor olympic-sized swimming pool. Not to mention 10 miles along the Arkansas river to walk if it’s a nice day. I should be back there on Monday afternoon of next week.
I also did a 15 minute muscle-intense workout on my stationary bike today as soon as I got up. I find when I do that, I have a much more productive day and my mood is lifted.
Anyway, I cannot seem to eat much of anything lately. My stomach must have shrunk up or something inside… today I have eaten:
Breakfast: eggbeaters (2 1/2 servings) and a pear
Lunch (before my power walk): a protein shake and small bowl of kashi cereal
Dinner: trying to eat, but I’m not hungry in the least. the thought of food is making me nauseated.
I have a couple of small squares of cheese in front of me that I am trying to eat in order to get some protein in my body, but to be honest, I can’t eat them. They are making me nauseated just looking at them. Nothing in my fridge looks the least bit appetizing, either.
Oh, and I’m PMS’ing.. so this is rather odd. Usually i can eat a house (or two) during PMS week.
I guess a little later I will cook up some of that amazing red pepper and tomato soup or something… I need to put some sort of nutrients in my body. I don’t want all my hard workouts to be for nothing…
Why do I feel so sick to my stomach?
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Thursday, October 25th, 2007
Please note in advance that I have emphasized (bolded and italicized) a lot in this post, for the reason that it needs to be emphasized. Writing out my weight story has enabled me to identify what my major problem is (with weight and food):
I don’t know how to eat correctly in order to keep my weight down. My constant weight fluctuations have proved this.
The odd thing is that my parents fed us very well - well meaning “healthy”. We ate 3 square (but not overly large) meals per day that all had fruit and/or veggies, protein and carbs in them. We were allowed to eat an occasional snack, but nothing with too much sugar. After Halloween, for example, we could only eat a few pieces of candy per night. We also weren’t allowed to drink full-sugar soda.
So what went wrong? Why did I choose subconsciously NOT to learn to eat properly? (I will have to give this one some thought).
I need to learn how to eat nutritionally and at a level that will not only enable me to lose all my extra weight, but stay slim from that point forward. I know I have a long road ahead of me - the rest of my life. And I’m OK with that.
Therefore, I have made an important decision: When I get back to Tulsa (which will be next week), I will be looking around for either a nutrition class, or make an appointment with a nutritionist. Obviously I don’t have a friggin’ clue what I am doing when it comes to healthy eating and maintaining a healthy weight! (On a separate side note, I actually ordered the “Nutrition Bible” from Amazon over the summer, but it arrived one day that I wasn’t home and someone in my apartment building stole it. Bastards.)
OK, onto my story conclusion…
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So, it took them 2 days to finally release me from the hospital after my Hyponatremia diagnosis. I followed up with a new doctor a few times. She said that she wanted to send me to a Neurologist. But unfortunately, I had no money at that time, so I didn’t go.
Anyway… I maintained my weight around 135-140 for a while. When I started TheSkinnyWebsite in 2005, I probably weighed about 135, which isn’t a bad weight for me. I was in a size 4 or 6 and well within my normal BMI range.
But inevitably, I gained weight back. Fast-forward to summer of 2006 - I was 28 years old. My weight had gotten back up to 145 or so - not much more than that. I could still fit in my size 7 and 8’s (for the most part). I started drinking a lot with friends that summer - we partied every day - but also, I rode a bicycle almost every day with friends. So despite the fact that I ate whatever I wanted and drank lots of alcohol, I actually slimmed down because of the bike riding. I remember one day I woke up and my size 7’s were almost falling off me. (I always get a dramatic, overnight sudden weight loss like that).
I got a bunch of compliments that day, like “wow you have lost weight” and “wow, your waist is tiny now!”. I got on the scale that day and funnily enough, I had only lost 5 pounds. I guess that goes to show that you can slim down considerably with exercise but barely lose any scale weight… (something I am experiencing right now).
However, I stopped riding my bike in October - it got too cold. My partying and eating whatever I wanted continued. Over that particular fall season - 2006 - I gained about 25 pounds in a record time. What caused it was that I would eat unhealthy food, get NO exercise, and drink a lot at night with friends. Then - to make matters ten times worse - I would get the beer/alcohol munchies really badly right before bed and eat tons of junk.
Ever since last fall, I have been battling this much higher weight range. I went several months without really caring, because I was a little depressed and had other things on my mind. One day I got on the scale and it said 172. That was at my friend’s house, whose scale was 5 pounds under!!!
That was the last straw. Since that time, )which was around the time I started this blog), I have been going on diets, losing weight, then giving up and gaining it back for whatever reason. I didn’t start an exercise routine, however, until three weeks ago. (Actually probably about a month and a half because while I was in Tulsa in September, I would go for power walks several days each week).
Fast forward to now…
I am, it seems, a victim of yoyo-dieting and a slowed metabolism. I myself am responsible for my bad eating and laziness, and I am certainly paying for it. But on my 30th birth three weeks ago, I had an epiphany:
I’m now 30. I don’t have any more time to screw around with my health. People in their 30’s have heart attacks and strokes, sometimes! If I continue like this - yoyo’ing around and NOT exercising - I will pay a price with eventual obesity and all kinds of health problems. This needs to stop, NOW.
I am happy to report that since my b-day and self pep-talk, it has. And I truly feel different this time - like I mean business. Also, for the first time in my entire life, I am making a HUGE effort to exercise most days for over an hour.
Will I succeed?
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On a scary side note, I am currently contemplating if I should go to ER. I looked up my symptoms from last night and Monday night and several of them actually point to… either heart failure, or a heart attack! What!!??
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