Well, I’ve been sober since April 9th - Monday I went to a meeting and didn’t drink at all after that.

I went and bought several new outfits from New York & Company because I was tired of wearing the same 2 or 3 pairs of pants.

So far, no change on my weight that I can see or feel. However… I’ve been getting a lot more exercise this week (except for yesterday, Thursday).

Monday - I did a workout on the exercise bike and cranked up the resistance level to 8 - boy were my legs hurting after that. (A good hurting).

Tuesday- I did a bit of walking and actually ate really well. My day’s food consisted of a bowl of cheerios for breakfast, a veggie/cheese sandwich for lunch/dinner, and yogurt and a mini-bagel for dinner. I walked at least 25 minutes, too.

Wednesday - I went into the city (Boston) and spent hours walking around, up and down lots of stairs and stuff. My friend “B” and I probably walked over 5 miles that day. Not only that, but we had to run to catch the last bus home. It was 9:09pm, and our bus was leaving at 9:15. Well, the red line dropped us off at South Station, and we didn’t realize the bus terminal was in the next building over. (We somehow ended up at the train station - oops!) We literally had to run probably 100 or more yards to catch the bus, plus up and down a stairway or two. Whew! And I was barely out of breath.

I think the stationary bike is giving me lots of stamina. A month ago that run would have literally almost killed me.

Anyway, I’m hoping to do the same thing tomorrow, except this time I am going alone. Boston is a great city to do a lot of walking in - IF the weather is decent. Hopefully it will be!

Confession: Every day I wake up and go into the bathroom, look into the mirror, and hope to see some sort of change in my body and face. (I’m one of the unfortunate ones who get “chin fat”). Every single day, I hope to see a change. So far, there has been little to none. But I’m hopeful…

I’m doing quite a bit better, both alcohol and weight-wise. First off, the Friday night meeting was OK. Our buddy didn’t tell us it was a big book meeting, which meant everyone in the room had to read from the big blue AA book. I was so embarrassed, but my friend J read out loud, so I felt I had to. I stumbled over the part where I said “Hi my name is ____ and I’m an alcoholic” because I still was not 100% sure if I am one or not. But after giving it a LOT of thought, I am pretty sure now that I am. So, tonight I’m going to another meeting, probably by myself because J doesn’t really want to go. As for my drinking, since Friday I’ve been “tapering off”, which means I’ve had a single beer or so each night to taper myself off and avoid withdrawals. Saturday night, however, was kind of bad and I started getting anxiety symptoms. I guess I had been drinking a hell of a lot more than I really admitted to.

So, today will be my last day having one beer, and tomorrow (April 10th) will be my first official “sober” day. It’s also the anniversary of my father’s death, 14 years ago. I figure 4 days of having only one beer will be enough tapering, and I’ll be able to stop.

I know I’ve been talking about alcohol and stuff a lot in this blog and it’s supposed to be a weight loss blog. It does, however, have to do with my dieting because alcohol makes me unable to lose any weight. I know for a fact it has caused me to gain, in fact.

So, onto my weight loss. I don’t know if there yet has been any, BUT- I ate all healthy food yesterday and Saturday, and today so far. Lots of chicken, tiny wheat bagels (120 cals each), veggies, yogurt, cereal, etc. I did a tough workout last night for 25 minute, and plan to do another shortly! I have no energy, but I’m really forcing it. Eventually my body and mind will catch up.

Onto the exercise bike! I’ll update more later. Going to another AA meeting tonight.

I actually didn’t go and get my oral surgery done today after all. I pushed it back one more month to allow myself to try and get a bit healthier before being put to sleep and cut open! I feel as though I need to lose some weight, stop drinking and feel better before undergoing anything.

So… I had two breakdowns today. One was alcohol-related - I yelled at a friend of mine (a guy friend whom I’ll call “B” here) who always pushes alcohol at me every time I tell him “I’m not having any more than 1 drink tonight”. Last night was no exception. We did several shots of Yukon Jack, which is 100-proof alcohol. Overall, I know am responsible for myself and my drinking, but a real friend would not continually offer drinks when they know you are trying to cut back and stop! So, when he called me today, I told him - point blank- that I was fed up, and if he wanted to continue to be my friend, he had better stop it. Thankfully the conversation turned out well. He is planning to stop drinking the day after his birthday, which is next Saturday.

The second breakdown was when I was talking to my best female friend, whom I’ll call J here. I started freaking out on the phone with her seconds before B called. I had her on speakerphone and I was trying on some size 10 and 8 pants, both of which didn’t fit for different reasons. That’s enough to push anyone over the edge - when your “fat fat” clothes don’t fit. (Thankfully, a pair of Old Navy sized 8 pants do fit me, which I’m wearing right now). So, I freaked out, yelling “I’m never eating again - my !#%54?! stomach won’t let me zip up these !#%54?! pants! #!$$#%^#??!@#!!” She tried to calm me down but I told her “I have to call you back”. Then hung up and almost started crying.

She and I are planning to go to an AA meeting tonight, which I am eagerly anticipating. (How pathetic am I???) J also has drinking problems - she’s been drinking years longer than I have been, though.

Anyway, everyone is entitled to a breakdown or two occasionally. I’m just so fed up with feeling unhealthy and drinking that I am now absolutely determined to lose weight and stop drinking. Sometimes you have to get to this point where you are utterly, completely and immeasurably fed up. That is where I’m at now.

Thanks for all of your tips - you guys are right about the waffles and sugar and stuff. No wonder I’m not losing any weight - I’m not doing it right! From now on it’s veggies, fruits, yogurt, lean meats, and other healthy stuff. I got a nice chunk of change deposited into my checking account this morning, and I’m going to go out after the AA meeting tonight and buy tons of healthy stuff. That’s it - no more junk food or cheating.

AND … to stop myself from being tempted to eat junk or order in ‘Chicken and Chips’ (my favorite place around here, which is so fattening and greasy and yummy), I’m going to picture my angst when I was trying to zip my bloated belly into a size 10 pair of pants today… I think it will work. (That type of thing has worked in the past).

When I lost 15-20 pounds two years ago, I had this Junior pair of size 7 dress pants that I literally could not fit over my hips, let alone zip up. What spurred me to go on a diet back then is the fact that I couldn’t fit into size 7! So, I tried on the pants every few weeks, during the diet. Eventually I managed to fit into them. It was awesome. I’m going to try that again. Only this time, instead of a pair of pants, I’ll be able to use most of my size 6 wardrobe - since I can’t fit into any of it right now!

Ugh, you are probably wondering why I haven’t updated in a while. Well… not only have I been slacking off in a big way with my diet, but my alcohol consumption has continued, which makes dieting near useless (unless you don’t eat while drinking, which I cannot do). I’m a huge mess right now.

So, I stepped on the scale at my friend’s house the other night, and let me tell you, it was NOT good. I have gone up. I am PMS’ing this week, which always makes me gain about 5 or so pounds of water weight. I don’t know if that is normal, but I always gain several pounds of water weight - too much - and the water literally presses against my organs, making it hard to breathe when I’m laying in certain positions. So you can imagine the misery I am feeling at the moment.

It’s really weird- professionally (or should I say financially), my life is going really well at the moment, although a little stressful. But for some reason, my eating and drinking habits are going from bad to worse. Help!

To make matters worse, I’m supposed to be going to the Oral surgeon this upcoming Friday to get a bunch of work done. I’m getting my last 2 impacted wisdom teeth out, plus a procedure to fix an infected root canal. I’m being put to sleep, and not looking forward to it. The last two times I’ve gotten work done there, I’ve been fine, but my health sucks right now so I’m a little worried.

I started fresh today, doing a new diet I posted about on theskinnywebsite.com where you eat five small meals a day. However, the difference is that I am not going to bother doing the low carb thing - it’s nearly impossible for me right now (due to the fact that I drink alcohol). We will see how it goes. This new plan includes eating 5 small meals per day. Each meal includes a protein, fiber, and carb food.

Anyone else experience ridiculous water-weight gains before their periods? I’d love to hear it if you do. I should have known better than to get on a scale this week!