Hey all, the new blog is up:
www.RiansRamblings.com (Sorry, fixed the link, it will work now!) 
(The first post is stuff I’ve already posted here).
As of this point, GirlonaDiet.com will be read only.
I hope you all have a great weekend!
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Whew… life has been so busy lately! My class has been keeping me especially busy. I’ve also been busy with new friendships and other activities. Life has continued to get better and better. I am learning how to attract positivity and joy in my life with positive thinking. Trust me… it works!
I haven’t forgotten about the new blog. I haven’t yet set it up… but soon.
Hope everyone is doing well.
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Hey all, I finally decided to go ahead and start a new blog.
It will no longer be focused on dieting, however, I will mention weight and diet-related things at times. The main focus though will be about my life and what I’m learning.
I will come back in the few days and post a link to the blog… stay tuned!
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Hey all! I appreciate the concerned emails – to those who sent them, thanks!
As mentioned in previous posts, I am not really planning not to update here much anymore. I posted here for three years – three years where I didn’t even know my own thoughts, didn’t know how to follow through on anything, held a lot back and didn’t trust myself. (I will still post the link to the new blog when/if I start one). I know my previous basket case of a life would make anyone wonder if I was OK when I disappear.
Nowadays? I’m learning to trust myself. As I shed the self-imposed protective wall that has been around me all my life, the weight is coming off pretty much on my own. I weigh less now than I have since 2006. Still a little ways from my goal, but I don’t think about it nearly as much as I once did. I’m wearing shorts this year, have a tan and am much more confident about myself, both inside and out.
Honestly? I have found my purpose in life, am learning to expand and strengthen my mind, am making tons of new positive-minded and like-minded friends and am growing emotionally, spiritually and mentally. I exercise and eat as healthy as possible regularly and have also greatly improved my physical body. The metaphysics class has been enormously helpful with all of the growth and improvements. As has AA. I’ve become a positive, vibrant person and am attracting all sorts of good right now. It’s simply amazing! I have people in my life right now that I couldn’t even fathom having before… people I’m learning from as well as teaching.
I went and got an intuitive health report reading in Springfield, MO a couple of Sundays ago. I learned about my strengths and weaknesses and have already improved much of the latter. My main issue was self-doubt/self-mistrust. (As was probably evident in this blog!) I also had a huge problem in speaking what was on my mind. Last but not least, I was holding onto some form of self-pity and fear, which was causing my facial swelling. Yep, you read that right. My sinus problems and excessive sodium/water retention AND previous high salt/fat cravings were caused by negative thinking patterns! I’ve since learned that our negative mental thoughts and beliefs express themselves in physical ailments.
I’ve been forced to let go of one negative and toxic friendship. You see, people in our lives are reflections of ourselves. If you choose to surround yourself with negative and self-pitying friends, you are choosing to stay in that frame of mind yourself. I had to let a good friend of seven years go because of this. This person was trying his best to keep me entrenched in the negative way of thinking I’d been in for the past several years. Once I finally let him go, my cheek swelling did indeed FINALLY go down! In letting him go, I let go of that part of myself. It was an absolutely amazing release of negative energy. These days, I’m attracting like-minded and positive people.
In writing this blog for the past 3 1/2 years, I didn’t always speak my true thoughts. I wasn’t always 100% honest here. I was in hiding.
Anyway, if I don’t update here for a while, please do not be concerned. Life for me has become a journey of love, healing, learning and growing. I just had to become ready for good in my life. Everything I’ve gone through has been needed to get where I am. I have an amazing support network just in case I slip back into old patterns. And sure, I have occasional ‘down’ days and times. But it helps to keep myself in a ‘learning’ frame of mind. Everything is here to be a lesson!
I haven’t decided how much of my personal life I am willing to continue to share with people on the internet, which explains why I haven’t yet started a new blog. However, I will make a decision one way or another soon. I appreciate the people who have followed my journey since 2007. I only hope someone – even one person – has been helped in some way. Perhaps my journey could be looked at as a cautionary tale. As in, speak your mind! Don’t be afraid. Trust your thoughts. If nothing else, I hope people reading this who are currently going through their own personal hell can see that no matter how bad it gets, things can and will improve, especially once the person is ready for it. Remember too that we all have karma to get through. Whether you believe it or not.
Growth can be painful, too. It hasn’t been easy letting go of the comfort that my ‘wall’ has provided. It has been painful and a little frightening opening up to people. Some days I want to run and hide. Letting down my wall has made me extremely sensitive to negativity, too. Nowadays I just want to flee from it. I know over time I’ll be able to deal with it though.
And… that’s it for now!
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“Fix the inside and the outside will follow.”
These words came into my head one day many, many months ago, before I was ready to hear them or deal with them. But they are true. (And I was recently able to pass them onto someone else who needed to hear them).
Things have changed enormously for me in just the past few days. It may sound trite or silly, but I feel like a caterpillar who has shed its skin and emerged into the bright, beautiful shiny world filled with purpose and meaning. And not because of my weight. (Although yes, the weight loss has continued). Where I was negative, hesitant, confused and unsure before, I’ve become positive, joyful and have realized my purpose in life.
It’s really funny… I look back on my past 5 1/2 years of life of struggle and realize that not one moment was in vain. Not one thing happened that wasn’t supposed to happen for some reason or another. Lots of ‘bad’ things happened that led into good: my car accident in Massachusetts in Dec 2004, which then caused me to lose my job and sent me rocketing into severe depression and PTSD, which led me to move into a building full of alcoholics and addicts in 2005, which led me into alcoholism and a very unhealthy relationship in 2006, which led me into weight gain and isolation in 2007, which led me into a state of mind that longed to be free. Which led into my doing a road trip in 2007, which led into my moving to Oklahoma to be closer to family, which led me into AA and new friends, which finally led me into questioning the constraining and fear-based religious beliefs I’d had since childhood, which led to me finally being free of them (while at the same time keeping them close with a new understanding of them) and gaining a true understanding of life, which led me into deciding that I didn’t need AA, which led to all kinds of experimenting, lots of reading of spiritual books, which led to the realization that I needed to go back to AA after all, which led me back to a group of people that are wonderful, as well as meeting a few individuals that I likely would not have met otherwise. The preceding events also led me into seeking out therapy and undergo several past life regressions, which led me into trying out meditating, which opened my mind more.
My therapists have led me into new understandings of life and myself, which has enabled me to begin healing inside – healing events that happened all the way back when I was 8 years old. Therapy has also led me into deciding to try stepping outside of my comfort zone and joining a metaphysics class. And… that, my friends, was the final catapult into my current bright, wonderful, beautiful, freeing, hopeful and purposeful state of mind that I have FINALLY arrived at.
Wow. What a friggin’ journey!!!!! And it’s nowhere near being over. But now I understand. Most importantly, I’ve realized that the journey is actually the destination.
Joy, peace and love are literally flowing through me, as well as excitement over the challenges ahead. It doesn’t mean all my problems and/or struggles are over. But it means that I am no longer apprehensive or scared of them.
Why am I sharing this? Well, in case anyone else out there is going through some kind of personal hell of their own that they don’t see an end to. Or see a purpose of. I know this blog attracts people in different walks of life. And lately in life, I have been meeting the most incredible people – people who are going through similar things as me. People who are a little further along in the journey or several paces behind. Everyone in our lives are a reflection of ourselves – either ourselves at the present, or in the past, or future, or even a reflection of ourselves we don’t want to be or are scared to be. Take a look around you, you will be quite shocked to realize it’s true. (I sure was).
If you are out there struggling, I can tell you, it’s going to be alright. We all are at the place we are supposed to be. Everything crappy we go through is either a lesson, karma, or a stepping stone to something better and brighter. I’m also learning that our thinking affects our lives and state of mind: negative and dark attracts negativity and darkness, and positive attracts positivity and light.
Anyway, I felt compelled to share this. Fix the inside and the outside will follow!
I’m learning that there is SO much more to life than this physical world we see. There is SO much more to people than just the shell we see and the personalities we allow each other to see. So. Much. More.
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I had an exciting morning: when I got out of bed, I glanced in the mirror and noticed my stomach area looked even thinner than usual. So I decided to try on some Capri pants I had bought several weeks ago, that didn’t fit then. As a matter of fact, I had bought about 5 pairs (2 Calvin Klein and 3 cheaper branded ones) for summer last month because I figured I was down another size. At the time, it turned out I was not yet down another size despite the weight loss. So, anyway, this morning I tried on one of the Calvin Kleins… and they fit! Then I tried on all the other ones, and they all zipped up and buttoned with no problem. Yay!
Wow. So I’m down another size. That’s exciting. All my new Capri pants fit. And I now have a light tan on my legs. How amazing. Perhaps it is time to experiment with shorts? Not short ones, as I think I have some cellulite that I’m not eager to show off. But perhaps the ones that go down to the lower thigh area. If I do in fact wear shorts this summer, it will be the first time in YEARS. Major accomplishment.
The funniest thing about it is that yesterday I totally blew my diet and actually ate FAST FOOD (ick!!), plus today is the 1st/2nd day of my TOM! My stomach should be huge. But for some reason it’s slimmer. Must be from all the dieting and the more regular exercising I’ve been doing.
I love weight loss results! I will get on the scale when my TOM is completely over.
I still haven’t set up the ‘other’ blog I’m starting. I’ll get around to it soon. Tonight I am planning to hit the circus with my sister and niece. PT Barnum and Bailey are in town and I’m really looking forward to it. I’ll have to remember to eat before I go though. I don’t want to be tempted by all the junk food that will surely be there!
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Hey all, I have decided to start a new blog! It’s not going to be diet-related although from time to time I may share stuff about my diet, weight, etc. Eventually I’ll start posting pics over there. Basically the blog will be about life and my creative ramblings, thoughts, perspectives and my journey through life. I’ve loved posting on this blog over the years – so I will NOT be deleting it. I will make this blog read-only and keep it as-is. I want this blog to be here as a reminder of some of the struggles I went through from 2007-2010.
But the fact is, I want to both move on, yet get back into the creative writing that I used to do (before becoming an alchy). I’ve been a creative thinker and writer since I was about six years old. I won my first writing contest at age six. It was some kind of ‘Young Author’s Award’ for the school district (Norwalk/La Mirada) I belonged to in first grade. I wrote a short story that got published in their award book. Anyway, from that moment on, I decided I wanted to write for a living. That dream persisted for pretty much the next 15+ years.
Funny thing is, years and years later, I DO write for a living. Just not in the capacity that I had wanted or even ever imagined! I imagined myself a famous novelist or something like that. But instead, I am a blogger that only writes little blurbs like “So and so was spotted heading to the gym yesterday” and “OMG she looks so slim and cute and healthy!!!!!” And of course I write here about dieting, etc. But in my young years, I wrote tons of poetry, stories and even a young adult novel. None of which was published other than the YA thing – I never tried to get anything else published. Although come to think of it, a poem I wrote about “Missing Homework” was published in the school newspaper when I was in 11th grade. At around age 12-14, I used to write really funny stories that would crack up family members and friends. I miss that – I really miss expressing myself creatively in a humorous way. I did it all the way up until I was about 27 or so. Back in late 2003 and early 2004, I kept a personal blog where I would talk about my zany life and how crazy things were since I had moved to New Hampshire. (By the way, parts of that blog can still be found in certain archives on the internet. The site name was mindless-intensity.com).
So I’m going to start again in the new blog.
In other news, I signed up take a metaphysics class today. I am super excited about it. I went to the school today and talked to the teacher and another woman who is joining the class. We all chatted for over two hours and it was awesome. The class starts next week. I’ve never done anything like this before – in fact, prior to Dec 2008 (when my spiritual/religious beliefs began to shift) I would have never even considered doing something like this.
Anyway, I’ll post a link to the new blog here soon, as soon as it is set up and all.
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